Submission is a subject one can look from many different point of views and one of them is in Bed. It is a fact that many people who hate being told what to do in their ordinary life when it comes to sex they find that being dominated is a turn on for them. They find that being told what to do, how to do it, giving out control triggers their sexuality and drives it to the highest levels. For those who are not 24/7 into D/s I must say It’s possible to have a perfectly ordinary, loving relationship and also play with submission in bed. Don’t be afraid of it but only embrace it and love it as most certainly will help to spice up things. However make sure you do some research and know very well what you are doing.
It is really important to put aside any “old” ideas and break the chains that keep you away from exploring your desires, to break all the barriers that put a limitation to your curiosity. We know that usually people are afraid to explore something with (or without) their partner because they’re afraid they’ll be judged and that judgment may also come from within following all the guilts built upon “norms” and taboos that are well placed in our heads by the society. Keep in mind that during sex maybe is the only moment in our life that we can actually be free and be who we really are as like it or not in our daily life we have to play different roles in order to survive what we hallucinate as civilized world.
Now some people often ask should a wife submit to her husband’s leadership? This has nothing to do with the lifestyle and nothing to do with being submissive in bed. Submission does not go with the sex but is related only to a person’s mindset. In my blog I am always referring to female submissives as I am a straight male however as I pointed out before the role of the submissive is not gender related. So the wife may easily take any of the roles depending on the dynamics of the relationship.
Many people tend to understand submit and obey to be the same thing which is completely wrong. Submission is the result of a choice and obedience follows as a behavior based on this choice. If we look now a bit deeper in this we will realize that it also brings together the concept of equality because choice may only come from the concept of equality within a relationship. Here is the point that things are getting a bit complex and difficult to comprehend by the vanilla’s. Since we are talking about relationships this also includes the concept of love which also becomes part of decision process to make the choice. Ultimately the choice of submission becomes a matter of love, trust, passion and need because in another case it becomes manipulation. For the same exact reason a submissive must also have a way out should she desires to ends everything.
Submission is sensual and we need to keep in mind that everything aim to the sexual stimulation which makes a huge difference from S/M in which pain is the goal. This is a thin line that may easily be blurry and confused from the inexperienced or the vanillas. Both practitioners may use pain as a sexual stimulus however there is a big difference. A submissive is turned on simply by the idea of surrendering to her Dom, it is primarily mental and then physical. When and IF pain is applied (spanking, whipping etc.) that is used only as an enzyme to increase the sexual stimulation and drive the experience to a higher level. On the other side the Masochist NEEDS pain in order to be sexually switched on and without it everything is meaningless.
I will end by saying we don’t need to use the term sensual Domination in order to identify the sexuality within a D/s relationship. This is a modern term that came in play to identify any sexual act that is not intensive in terms of pain levels but also does not include a few other aspects of the BDSM such as humiliation. I believe that humiliation can still be part of the D/s should the partners want it and practically what is described as sensual Domination is what is not S/M. Domination and submission by definition from my point of view is sensual, it aims to celebrate the beauty of submission, it uses all the ways to drive the sensual experience to the highest possible levels.