Recently I’ve been involved in a discussion coming from a submissive questioning if she should expect a Dom to become more dominative when their relationship becomes stronger or it makes more sense he will get softer. It is indeed a valid question and I find the topic really interesting so I thought to post an article analysing my thoughts and beliefs.
The most difficult part during a relationship for both parties is to keep a balance between D/s and love. I would agree that love might soften things therefore it might be beneficial for the submissive side but again don’t be mistaken as it also might create inner conflict to her as she craves a punishment but due to love her expectations could change from what they were when all started.
For the Dom side it is even harder as love can lead him to a point where he questions himself and methods. He can find himself to a point of questioning if a specific punishment is not the way to treat the one you love. But it might also start feeling awkward practicing your favorite play. Is it proper to whip the woman I love even if it turns on both of us? Is it proper to humiliate her?
There are many things we can say about it but I will stay with what I feel is more important and it is the bed rock of a D/s dynamic. What we do is an alternative way to express love and there is nothing wrong with it. It is exactly what brought together two people as it is a mutual expectation and anything less it is a reason to get the relationship fall apart. Actually I would say the stronger the dynamic grows the more effective the Dom and the sub should be assuming they know each other better, they know better the deepest and more secrete desires of their partner.
Therefore I believe that once a Dom and a submissive realise that anything we do is the way to express love within the lifestyle then they will get free from any thought that makes them question themselves and from that point forward the relationship will grow and become even stronger than it was. The only thing is to learn how to balance love and D/s feelings within them. As an advice I would suggest to be open with each other and seek their partners help to find that balance if they can’t do it on their own.
I will end by saying that once a relationship starts to grow stronger and is based on honesty then Love will grow bigger, the Dom will be more dominative and the sub will be more submissive.