Recently I had a chat with a friend who is a submissive talking about her thoughts regarding a Dom who most likely is shy or at least appears as one. During our chat she stated that she will go for him and make the first move if she has to but questioned if this is truly the submissive way. Now I think this is a very interesting concept to help us understand better the lifestyle which is not that different from the vanilla world.

In the lifestyle depending on your position Top or bottom you most definitely have some very specific traits. For example a slave has less or none freedom of thoughts when a submissive is a person with a lot more freedom to speak her mind or act accordingly. Personally I find a lot more challenging and interesting to get a submissive to the point she will desire and crave to do anything for me and this way taking and giving pleasure-satisfaction the same time.

The submissive way is not dictating to be passive. Quite the opposite I would dare say. A submissive needs to push the boundaries, she needs to be ready at any point to go after her desires by challenging her Dom and opening new “roads” in front of them to enjoy them together. She has to be assertive and pro-active and in many ways “naughty” to make things happen.

I said before the lifestyle is not that different from the vanilla world. I say this based on the fact that we are humans. We have desires and thoughts for which we have to do something. If you want something in this life but you do nothing about it then most likely will never happen. So if you like a Dom there is nowhere written that you must do nothing just because you are a submissive. Do anything you can to get him.

Doms are also humans you know. A Dom may easily be shy or present as one. Don’t be surprised by this statement. You can’t really know what a man might have in his head, how he sees the world or how he prefers things to be done. I will use myself as an example. In a club most likely I would never go after a woman as I don’t like to make the first step. I like to see her do the first step as it is to my belief a Dom needs to feel that he is wanted, he is seen as something different from any other Man, he is above the rest of the world.

For that reason exactly I might stand just having a drink and looking (checking) around waiting for the one who is “brave” enough to come and ask if I would permit to keep me some company. If you don’t really know me you might take me as shy or even anti-social. I assure you I am not shy nor anti-social. Now this is me and I am not saying that anyone who appears as shy is just like me. However how can you label one as something without knowing better what this person has in mind?

How a submissive lives her life in public eyes is not that different from a vanilla woman. The submissive way is something that applies mostly within the dynamic between her and her Dom. A few things might be different from the rest of the women but this is not something easily spotted from those out of the BDSM world.

As the featured image states, a submissive’s role is not only to follow. She will have to lead or support. Be strong and decisive. She is a companion and partner in her Dom’s life. This is exactly the reason a Dom needs a submissive and as I said before same as a submissive is defined by her Dom, the Dom is defined by his submissive.

6 thoughts on “The submissive way

  1. I’m always pointing out the differences (on many levels) between those who are dominant and those who are domineering. This applies here in a number of ways. The one who overtly appears dominant may well be a domineering sort who thinks they are being subtle. How might that go once they are comfortable?

    What if they are a comfortable, well reasoned dominant and well mannered to boot? Would that individual act out or be slow and reasoned, possibly even seeming “shy”? Approaching such a person in a polite, respectful manner (but with a submissive posture to the educated eye) may well yield a pleasant surprise and move things right along.

    This is very similar to a vanilla thing as you mentioned. No different than a vanilla start except for the rope, cuffs, rigging, well, you know…

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