Training a new submissive

Lot of people are talking about training. A term that all my regular readers know I don’t feel is proper nor applicable when it comes to a lifestyle. However I will use it today for the sake of building a common ground of understanding with anyone reading this article. When it comes the moment to match with a new submissive in your life there are two possibilities. The one is dealing with an inexperienced or moderately experienced individual or with a vastly experienced submissive. Having the same approach in both situations is not ideal and you will need to understand there is a need to adapt your ways accordingly.

At first we will need to understand what we identify by the term training so let me give you my own personal perspective. “Training” is a period of time during which the Dom and the sub explore each others needs, expectations and desires in order to understand if they can build a long lasting relationship. However during that period they both understand they will need adapt new habits according to their partner needs and understanding of the lifestyle. They need to have a match in how they understand BDSM and the expectations of a relationship within the lifestyle.

For example, if a Dom prefers a submissive who speaks her mind freely match with a submissive who believes she should only speak by permission they need together to get to a decision if that would be an issue for them or not. One of them might have to adapt to the way the partner wants it to be or get somewhere in the middle of that road like setup specific moments the sub may speak freely and other she might ask of permission.

As you can understand for me “training” will result in both change and adapt new habits. It is a two way process and not one that only the submissive needs to evolve. The worst it may happen in our life is stop evolving and changing.

Now let us see what happens when you get into such process with an inexperienced submissive. The Dom has to understand she is just learning who she really is, she does not really knows her limits, likes and dislikes. As a Dom/Master you have to act also as a Mentor and some moments just as a Mentor. You have to take everything slowly or at least control the pace in which everything happens in her development. Be patient and dig slowly but deep in the “dark” corners of her mind in order to open her to you and herself. Most important of all is understand that her initial limits might not be her actual limits however you don’t really need to break her to help her identify them but lead her by the hand. It takes time, devotion but is really rewarding as you get the chance to shape her submissive spirit closer to what you ideally need to find.

Dealing with an experienced submissive is a very different opportunity. She already knows who she is and the journey to explore her likes and limits has already begun long before you meet her. That actually means she has a well shaped image of her expectation in her mind therefore it is important to get a really good understanding of that image. Don’t ignore it in the sense that you are the Dom and she has to do what you like. This is a God Syndrome of the worst type and won’t take you anywhere. In fact with such a submissive you get the chance to develop yourself even more as her image might be close to what you want but not close enough. If that is the case you may either reject her or work together to bring each other closer. That would be a process of mutual development.

You can take things faster but again try to learn better what her first steps in the lifestyle were like. There might be through some very difficult or even traumatising moments therefore you will need to be careful what you trigger in her head. She might even be more experienced than you and that is not something to make you feel uncomfortable with. Let her know about it and agree together that her input can help you as Dom to develop a lot faster to her expectations. If she can’t appreciate it for any reason or if she is one who need a more experienced Dom then she is not your match and not worth investing time and feelings in this relationship.

The above is a very basic but I feel essential thought to keep in mind when it comes to training. For me it is always exciting when it comes to train a new submissive as it is the period you learn as many as possible for my partner. It is the moment of unlocking a treasure chest.

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