You might find surprising the title of that article because I am quite sure most of you consider BDSM a lifestyle very different from the vanilla. I will explain here my own belief that in fact this lifestyle is not that different from the usual one and in fact is a lot more demanding. Indeed it is a lot more demanding in dedication, honesty, devotion, openness and companionship. However we need to see our world from the vanilla perspective and mostly if one who knows nothing try to research it over the web. What is the impression they will get? Let us take it step by step from here

Initially they will have to face the porn industry that from every point of view depicts some who wish to torture and those who are tortured sometimes pretending it is not their choice. Remember in vanilla world the NO means stop and anything that keeps going after is abuse. They have no understanding of the meaning of safeword and that NO in our world is mostly a play, a scene we create in a very controlling environment. If they are unlucky enough their research might lead them to resources such as torture galaxy and other similar to these that are extreme and beyond common sense to most of us even within the lifestyle. Hooks and nails is quite hard to be taken as sensuality.

You might have some objections to my above words but I believe you agree to the outline of my words. No let us move to the one who does a research and is not getting to the porn side of what internet has to offer. Let us say they get to some blogs or forums where anyone can post whatever they like. We all know how many out there claim to have knowledge of BDSM in fact have a misconception and misunderstanding. Most likely our fellow researcher will end up thinking that we are some group of hater or even megalomaniacs with God syndromes. A lot more if they are unlucky enough to get to some “social” platforms like fetlife or collarme etc. Will identify us like a community of voyeurism without respect to our own privacy and dignity who take pleasure or even pride in showing to the world our sexual endeavours and genitalia.

Now can you really blame all those who listen to BDSM and think ill of it? As I say and will keep saying, we need to protect our lifestyle and we need to do it in a very responsible way. The gay community managed to be accepted by getting to the public their lifestyle exposing every side of it. However we miss one point. Being gay is still within the vanilla and perspective when it comes to sexual stimulation and forming romantic relationships. In comparing, BDSM is something completely different therefore a different approach should be applied if we wish to accepted by the society. If you ask my personal opinion, we don’t need to seek society’s acceptance. We are good as we are and better keep it behind closed doors enjoying it with our partners away from publicity. It makes things spicy.

Now why do I feel that is not that different from the  vanilla lifestyle? Well simply put we still love our partner, we appreciate what they do for us and we try hard to provide for them. We live a life together and at the end of the day what is different is only they way we communicate (should we have specific communication protocols) and what stimulates us sexually. The world has to understand that we still kiss, hug, caress and feel for each other. They need to understand that a whipping or a spanking does not mean we love our partner less than they do. They need to understand that most of what they think we do in fact they are only plays, scenarios that we build to satisfy mostly our fantasy.

If we do that, then we might have a chance to explain all the details and complexity of our lifestyle.

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