Following up my recent post about what really looks like a D/s relationship in real life I thought there should be another post bringing up the subject of online Domination and submission. At this point I need to add something to that previous post. Elements of online can always be present in real life by using text messaging for example. Now, as described before a D/s is mostly a relationship of power exchange in my perspective and the same goes for online.
The main difference is the lack of physical presence and this a big issue as for both this works in a way of providing satisfaction and I am not speaking about having sex. To help you understand, when I ask to my sub to kneel before me I take pleasure in seeing her kneeling. Seeing her do as ordered following my voice instructions. If I ask her to dress with blue clothes to go for work, I take pleasure from seeing her dressed in blue per my demand. That is the physical presence I speak about and that is where online gets complicated.
So like with the previous post we’ll have to use and example but this time I think to bring up a more personal example from a D/s relationship of mine from the past. Me and my girl have both agreed the physical presence is important in the way described above and therefore decided to use technology to overcome the problem. In our first sessions she was shy enough to show her face so we have agreed she may use a mask until she gets comfortable enough with what we do and even before that agreed to do everything in a way that she won’t have to show her face at all. I do understand that some (or many) feel unsafe as we all know how many have been tricked and at the end found on porn tubes some very personal videos. How discussing…….anyway this is a different subject.
With my girl, let me call her N for convenience, we agreed there should be 4 days of total control (as much as possible given the fact we were not living together) therefore we should both know all the important details of each other personal circumstances in order to understand how far we can go. The other 3 days would have been more flexible. Sometime it was more of 3 days full control and 4 days flexible. By flexible we also meant that we might have no contact at all whatsoever and that really helped to make the controlling days more exciting.
Now let me describe a controlling day or what could include a day as that. She would give me like five different options (at least) to choose for her clothing for the next day. So by the end of the day she would either send me pictures of the clothes or show them on cam. Knowing her daily schedule during those day I was always in position to ask her to do specific tasks that she usually would try to make a picture of to show me later in the day or even at the same moment if that was possible.
Then we agreed that she would be on cam for me for as long as possible and at any point be prepared to follow any request. For example she could watch a movie and ask her to do it by sitting on a pillow and have her leash tied to her bed. She would always have to ask for permission for anything she wanted to do and if denied she had to accept. Once I remember she asked me permission to pee and asked her to get her laptop with her so I can see it. There was though a common understanding though that sometimes asking for permission was more a formality as the circumstances would dictate me to accept it. Have we been getting sexual? Some times yes some others no but that was a result of a beautiful relationship between two people enjoying each other.
Truth be told that was an amazing relationship and there was also a great bond growing between us getting stronger and stronger having us both ask for more as we learned more for each other. Sure we had conversations exploring each other’s desires, limits and personalities. If you ask why we had to end it the answer is not that simple. In a few words the circumstances for both of us didn’t help us anymore to keep this up even if I am certain that this would have lead in a real life relationship soon enough.
Now this is what I call online D/s and anything less than this I would see it just as a game not as a relationship.