I thought to post this article mostly as a reality check and help more people get a better understanding on what D/s really is. The truth is there are many misconceptions in conjunction to BDSM lifestyle mainly because it is not by definition clear what is all about. Don’t forget that it might be BD or D/s or S/m and even so the way practiced in daily life varies by the individual approaches and the way they want their relationships to be. 

However there are some basics we tend to forget or even worst, internet twists them and make it impossible to identify differences. A simple research over the web under the term submission mostly will bring up porn acts that have nothing to do with what really is Domination and submission. Searching for submission you will find bondage, spanking, whips and chains which might be part of D/s play but is not the essence of it.

Domination and submission is mostly a mental and psychological state of the individuals practicing it. The pleasure that both get is not carnal (though it can get down to physical) but in ways that is hard to explain with words. The feeling of dominating or submitting captures inside us a beauty hard to understand by words and only those who had the experience can understand fully.

So let me give you an example of a Dom and his sub that will help you visualize a bit such a relationship. We live in the 21st century and most likely both will be working to make a living but for the sake of our example let us say the submissive is the one getting back home first. She will do what most people does when she gets back home. Some relaxing or maybe some housekeeping depending on the day and how she feels. Do you see any difference up to now? Not really but here comes the first part of a D/s that is closely related on how this fictional couple agreed to live together. She might have in place a dress code for the hours she is at home. Some might have no dress code at all unless is requested by the Dom or give a freedom of choice to the sub apply the code according to her mood. So here we can see how flexible the lifestyle is. There is no common rule for everyone but how we wish to experience the lifestyle.

Next we have the Dom coming back home. He will ask for her greet her with a kiss or a touch and start doing again whatever any ordinary man would do. At this point will step in the D/s again in the ways they set it up. He might ask her to be near him kneeling at all time, maybe nude or semi nude to pleasure his eye. He might ask her to perform specific tasks or nothing of all this will happen as this Dom have different desires at the moment. Flexibility on the way we practice the lifestyle. He will get to his chair  waiting for dinner to be ready and have it together or have it all alone. I for example I would love to have her next to me (sometimes kneeling or sometimes in my hug) dressed with as little as possible just to be able to feel her softness at any of my touch. But again this is not what I would desire every single day.

Sometimes the Dom might love to have her restrained or use any other appliances. She might even ask for things as we have to keep in mind that she also desires specific experiences and has her own needs. The way to express her desires and will again it is up to the two partners and how they set it up. Let’s say she wants to have a leash on her collar. She might ask for it or she might just bring it to him by holding it with her hands or with her mouth. Who can say what is proper.

Our couple in this example might even need to have a very important discussion on a subject they have to make a decision. Don’t be fooled, the Dom will not always be the one make decisions on his own. Sometimes he will but other times he won’t. They live together and that makes it important that both agree on what goes on in their life. On the other hand some will say the Dom has to make all the decisions. Again it is fine if that is what they want and need.

So where is the D/s in all these? It is always there and if you can’t see it let me point you there. They both know the Dom at any point might request of something and the sub will serve. Do you see any sexual activity? Well it might be a mental turn on, they might even turn on physically during the time they are together however they don’t really have to fuck, spank or whip to say they experienced a D/s moment.

I hope this helps a bit and I would love to see your own thoughts on the subject or even examples.

2 thoughts on “Domination submission and sexuality

  1. It is written very good.
    I have noticed that people think it is only kinky sex, but it is so much more (intense). I have had years of experience but it was always hard to explain it to people. So i am going to remeber this post for when i have to explain it again.

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