This is a topic I feel the need to explore more as it seems to be really controversial with fans and haters both having valid arguments. Some would say that online domination is the ultimate submission based on the fact the submissive has to do everything on her own which isn’t easy many times. Get spanked hard might come easy when you are on a Master’s knees but do it on your own might not be an easy task. On the other hand there are those who claim it isn’t submission at all given the fact the submissive might close the connection at any time (which to me sound close to what the use of the safeword would result in real life) but also the absence of the physical presence has a great impact. 

It seems like a growing trend that people claim to be professional Doms who will provide online training for those who seek to learn. Honestly? Not that it can’t be done but claiming this as a profession sounds ridiculous. I also had a few emails asking me if I am doing this. In any case this a lifestyle, this is who and what we are not a profession. In my opinion online Domination is a possibility that requires both to be completely honest on what they seek, what they think, how they feel as also having a good match regarding how deep they both want to go in D/s. Is it just for the sexual side or is it a total control? Anyway this isn’t an article about me, if I am into online D/s and what I think about it.

Here are some interesting words from a sub I found during my research over the web:
“People have asked me whether I had to endure punishment on my own. The answer is yes, though truthfully I was never punished a lot. While the easiest (and worst) punishment would have been to have total silence between us, that was a bit too easy. As a novice, I forgot that punishments didn’t always come right away. One night during a video chat Sir reminded me that I was due a punishment. Two things happened. The first thing was that I had to redden my own ass. Spanking one’s self is both challenging and humiliating. Honestly, I can tolerate pain much easily when it’s coming from someone else. Spanking myself was not easy because you can’t get the angle right to really deliver a blow……… Anyone who tells you that punishments can’t be doled out properly in a long distance relationship clearly has never truly experienced it before……………Playing from a distance is very exciting, and creative Dominants and willing submissives can have loads of fun trying new things together. For a submissive, playing from a distance requires an extra dose of self-discipline. ”

What I noticed is that many vanilla consider to try the online Domination and submission. A good reason behind this as I see it is their deepest fear to try it in real life (though some of them might really desire it) and the fear to share their deepest thoughts with their partners. As humans we tend to be insecure when it comes to sharing our deepest desires with each other. We keep certain fantasies strictly to ourselves as we learned to feel ashamed and label them as dark.

Let us get a bit deeper on how as humans learn about our likes and dislikes. Actually it is a very simple way. Try and decide. Do you like fried chicken? You do know that you like chicken but then you have to try all the different ways to cook it to come down to a decision which one is your favorite one. The same goes with everything. Do you like Domination and submission? You must have tried it to know. Does it work for you online? Again you need to try it to decide. Just by throwing out arguments won’t take you anywhere. You may imagine it works or it doesn’t work, that for Master x and sub y did work but at the end of the day if you don’t try it yourself you’ll never know.

Now if you ask me to give you how an online D/s could work I would say there are two different options:

  1. Servitude of pleasure. A submissive who loves to serve expects to find one to provide pleasure whenever she/he is asked for. I find this to be mostly sexual but there might be a total control approach here. It isn’t that different in real life and I believe a Dom online would ask exactly the same as he would in real. I can’t see my self online ask only for sexual submission when in real I need a deeper control of my sub. If it was online I would love to control her the same way I would in real.
  2. Exploration D/s. In this case both are trying to explore their likes. Ideally the one knows already his/her likes and helps the other to explore their side. You know a submissive may always help a Dom find his way in the lifestyle. It isn’t only the Dom who does this for the sub.

Would it lead in a real life relationship? Again this is up them to decide how they use the online. It might be a period of trial, to see and learn each others likes before deciding to take it to the next level in real life, or it might simply be a pleasure game that will stay the same. If they are honest from the start in what they seek it will save time for both. I, for example, feel quite hesitant to get involved with an online relationship as I know to many out there use the cyber just to satisfy some fantasy and never explore their deeper desires. As I am one who cares mostly for a true relationship the online D/s comes with the fear of losing time and invest (sentimentally) with those who care for a cyber sex experience.

Here is something found on the web from a Mistress that I totally agree with:
“Among the cyber population is a growing number of predators. Those who seek to find the vulnerable, exploit their dreams and pervert those dreams into ugly episodes of brutality and cruelty. And there are those who have discovered a way to find ‘free’ people to use for sex or servant. They have landed amidst the herd of the unsuspecting. The only way to combat these people who are not ‘of’ our community but ‘using’ it for ugly purposes is education. The more a person learns the easier it becomes to spot those who have suspect motives.”

To conclude this article, I have to admit that online-cyber D/s might be a possibility to explore up to some level your self but at the end of the day you need to take this in real life. If you wish to try it, then it is up to you how you will explore your world of Domination and submission.

 

2 thoughts on “Online BDSM – D/s Relationships

  1. i am in an on-line M/s relationship. the thing is we’re aiming at a long term relationship and could not find a good couple locally. we started nilla and bdsm came as a plus to the both of us. W/we are very much looking forward to being together and to teach people about this beautiful, kinky world. the relationship is very important to U/us both. i agree with the predators part and also fakes and minis on both sides are a huge risk since people do not set limits because it’s on line and think they’ll be safe. breath play and real sadists can actually hurt someone playing on line, or even someone that’s learning and not honest about it… my thoughts.

  2. This is a subject truly worthy of consideration. Second Life comes easily to mind. To my thinking, cyber submission is to in person submission, what grand-parenting i to child raising. One has much more pleasure, with less of the pain, and when you tire is more easily dropped. You touched on this in a very fair approach without recrimination.

    In some situations, cyber submission is forced on people because life situations cause persons be physically separated by difficult distances. Such situations require that the need for power exchange, the need to feel the dynamic be fed. Belittling people who find themselves in such a situation does little to help their very real need.

    Of course there will be predators and pretenders, lairs and charlatans. There always will be. But there will also be people that have a very real need to hone their skills in this area, and for those people, there needs to be discussion without recrimination. Good subject!

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