After long time I am back with a new update. This time I decided to speak about safewords and how important they are during a scene. It is quite a few time I heard people debating about it and those kinds of debates quickly degenerate into how much they “trust” or “love” their partner. There’s no link between safewords and trust or love. If you trust your partner, then hopefully you will never NEED your safeword, but trust doesn’t prevent accidents or unexpected physical or mental events happening. On the other side, as a Master, if you truly love and care for your submissive you know to respect her limits therefore you need a safeword just to make sure things will never go south for her. It’s really not about the level of power exchange, it’s a tool of communication.
I also noticed that many time in books like 50 shades there is a complete absence of a single safeword. If you are curious about the BDSM lifestyle, a safe word should be one of the first things you and a potential partner discuss. To be honest, if your first experience, your first steps are taking place on the side of a very intelligent and experienced Master you might never fully anticipate the reason you need one.
So let us start by explaining what a safeword is. A safe word is a word used during a scene at any time mostly by the submissive/slave when she feels uncomfortable and/or when she has reached a hard limit or needs any other attention. It may be just a time out or it may even be the end of the scene altogether. This could be as simple as needing a restraint adjusted or realizing they aren’t enjoy the play as much as they’d hoped.
It is your way as a submissive to keep control of everything happening during a scene but on the other hand if you are using it every single time you are in danger to have no scene/play at all. For that exact reason make sure your Dom/Master knows exactly your soft and hard limits long before you start playing. Give Him the roadmap he needs in order to keep the scene within your levels of tolerance e.g. pain tolerance. Here comes the importance of honesty and knowing each other really well.
Keep your safeword simple, preferably a one syllable word that can easily remembered and said during intense moments. Remember that our brain during intense moments finds hard to bring up complicated words/phrases. Oh, NO and STOP are not safewords. Many times submissives enjoy the feeling of their Dom ignoring them when saying NO/STOP. A safeword makes it possible for a submissive to say “No” or “Stop” and pretend as much as she wants without really meaning it while still having a safe way of indicating they seriously need the scene to stop. Along with safe words, many have implemented safe signals or objects to use when they are either unable to speak or unable to move as it may happen during bondage play.
Responsible, SSC play means the ability to say no and even if a submissive believes she doesn’t need one the real Master who cares for her should implement one at all times. No matter what you use as safeword, just be sure it gets the point across that you want to stop. Playing without a safeword is very dangerous. If your partner suggests you play without a safeword, I suggest you find a new partner. It it a huge red flag if your partner tries to pressure you to play without safewords specially if He is one you recently met with. Even if you think your partner knows you well enough to know what you can take, you need to explain to them that accidents happen and sometimes you need a quick and easy way to end the scene to communicate problems.
As a Master keep in mind that aftercare is required after a partner safewords, since safewording often happens directly after a person has experienced pain or an emotional trigger. Remember that during a scene beyond the physical stimulation there is also an emotional stimulation. It is easy to monitor the physical stimulation and realise when things are going south but the emotional is quite hard to get it at once.