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As I promised I am posting a new article on the subject of on-line D/s relationships following up a question on how this works.  It is also known as Long Distance relationships (LDR), and many hope such relationships might lead to a real-time (RT) relationship. In fact I know quite a few people who actually made it after a long time of on-line D/s bring it in real life as well. Before I say anything at all though, I need to clear something. I am talking about real submission that the term “on-line” is not referring to a fantasy or a game but only in the meaning that internet is the way to control your submissive.

Here comes a misunderstanding. Online submission is not a game to play in some virtual chat rooms like second life and IMVU or even redlight. These are games where anyone can go inside, pretend to be something they are not and say or do a lot of unreal things. There a few people there who are into the lifestyle but most of the members in such societies are only gamers who see the lifestyle as a fantasy game where they can do all the unthinkable to do in real life. If you are into such places remember this.

For me online is just a simulation of the real world. I will give you an example. A Dom and a sub agree they enjoy a control of what she wears every day. It something they would gladly do in real life as well therefore they “set-up” a way that each day she will receive instructions on how to be dressed. Maybe every Sunday night with a complete schedule for the coming week. Maybe with the use of a cam he will chose the clothes for her. Anything at all that both of them are comfortable with and they enjoy doing it.

In the same way a lot of aspects of her life may or may not get under the control of a Dom. Remember, BDSM is not about the sexual part only. It is more a mentality, a way of life that people enjoy having. To spank your gf is not BDSM. In fact I find to be a lot closer to the lifestyle a vanilla relationship where one of them (the female in my case) will ask permission before doing something (e.g. going out with her friends). As I stated many times on this blog, BDSM as sexual activity is part of the bigger picture as is sex in any type of lifestyle.

Now some may ask how one can be certain that things are done as agreed. There are way but before anything we have to keep in mind we build a relationship based on honesty. If the Dom ask from his sub to wear blue panties and she won’t do it the same moment she said she followed the instruction then it doesn’t worth the effort of having such a relationship. The point in all this is to be honest and enjoy following instruction or take the consequences for not obeying. I personally enjoy to receive pictures or see he on cam doing what I asked for. No I don’t do it because I don’t trust her. I am a power exchange junky I can say and the visual stimulates that side of mine. When I ask from a sub to have high hills I need to see the result of my request to satisfy my desire of control. I know what you may be thinking now. There is no way a submissive to deny something?

Well, there is and there should be a way. It is like a safe word in sexual BDSM. First of all she may deny anything that goes beyond her limits. A request for exhibitionism for example. If that is out of her limits any reasonable Dom won’t ask it in the first place but even if he does because it might not be in his knowledge then he has to accept her denial. Also anything that might place her in danger or cause any short of problems with her family. Speaking in a general way a Dom should show reasonable thinking and request only achievable activities. I had once an on-line relationship with a real masochist. She totally enjoyed pain on her breasts and one night we decided to go for hot wax on her nipples. She never had it before and wanted to try it. She couldn’t do it and I accepted her denial since apparently that was something beyond her limits. You don’t need to know what we did for the next 3 hours 😉

And that takes us to the sexual side. Let us be honest and realistic. At some point that is something to come. By nature we are sexual beings and when that will come is only a matter of time and when we will get comfortable to do it. I know girls who was comfortable from the first day to go on cam and others who needed time before they do so. I also know others who wanted to play only by text (something like an rp). As I say, how things will be done depends on what each of us is seeking and for sure how we trust each other. I enjoy to see her doing what I ask her to do, I enjoy to see her write humiliating words on her body but I do realise why she might be afraid to go live. So many bastards out there took advantage of naive people online and ruined their lives afterwards.

Sadly enough some people fail to understand what is given to them is a real GIFT, privacy is essential, what is done is for their eyes only and they have no right to expose a person who show willingly and happily “shared” her body and beauty to satisfy them and make them both happy.

 

8 thoughts on “Online Submission and BDSM. A not so virtual D/s relationship.

  1. I have just been on a bdsm classifieds ,I am asked if I am serious about giving up my control.she mentions she is very good at this ,it’s not any fetishist she will deny me of that ,but I will receive expert training as her controlled slaves and rule my world and understand how it feels to relinquish my freedom, right now she asking for my full name and what city do I live in my phone number occupation and pictureI am a little nervous about what I have been emailed to me, as I am a novice I am truly not wanting to let her down oh she wants me to tell her exactly what kind of slave training am I hoping to receive.
    Please sir if you were me what or how would you correct this situation.
    Thank you very much
    James

    1. Hello,
      My way of thinking is the sub gives the limits and the Top has to respect them. Since you are new it is even more important to take small steps before you are ready and confident to get deeper into this. Therefore I believe you can describe what you wish and your expectations are. Giving your first name and your picture don’t find it bad or dangerous but again it has to do with how comfortable you are with the person you are about to share.

  2. well, I very new to the lifestyle , I have been contacted by a sub to be trained , on line, so as much advice as possible would be appreciated, James

  3. I understand what you are trying to accomplish in an online relationship.
    I do think you can get played easier when someone isn’t directly in front of you even though you may use a web cam.
    It would take me a very long time to trust someone in an online relationship. Maybe I am just cynical.
    Good luck.

    1. No you are not cynical at all. Indeed it takes time but also trust that the one on the other time is not messing around, respects the time you dedicate on her/him and is as serious as you are into this. Sadly enough so many out there are not honest, do not respect your time and they see the lifestyle as a game. For sure some are different so if one wishes to get into such relationship need to have some trust that will find the proper one.

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