Yes I love humiliation. Pet play for you who read my blog is one on my favorite but not the only one. The question though, no matter how it is done, what humiliation holds as a “game” that so many really love it and want it as part of their sexual life even when we speak about the vanilla. No, I am not going to speak about vanilla here, I just thought to mention it in order to show you that after all in many ways we are not that different. Another reason bringing that forward is my surprise reading other blogs some time ago, claiming that humiliation is not that popular. Sorry fellow bloggers, I am afraid you are wrong or you are afraid to admit a common truth both of the vanilla and BDSM world. So take your pen and start writing on your sub any kind of humiliating word you may think or have her do it on her own. I love when they do this for me and is been a while since the last time one did it for me. Anyway, beyond any personal thought, how humiliation works as a sexual stimulation to so many people?
Let me start by making clear to all that humiliation play is not abusive at all should not be considered as edge play though it may become one if the couple wish to step into that zone. For the vanilla or anyone who doesn’t know, edge play is an extreme form of play that could cause emotional or physical damage should it not be done carefully. It all depends on the submissive as I say. You know my belief is that what happen in fact is controlled by the submissive not the Master. Here I feel I need to provide with a warning for three dangerous words. Worthless, useless and fat. Make sure these words are working in a humiliating way not in a degrading way as all the three of them for many humans are triggers to psychological disturbances originating from their past. Also you have to make sure the submissive knows implicitly that nothing said or done has any bearing on her character and make sure that will not hurt herself as a result. I am saying this because humiliation is quite a strong feeling very dangerous when used unwisely by inexperienced people.
Because different people have different emotional triggers, the range of activities involved in humiliation play is huge, and what one person finds embarrassing another person might not react at all. The idea of humiliation play is very difficult to explain to people who don’t understand it ans as I believe either you get it or you don’t, and if you don’t, then in your eyes is completely degrading, inhuman, hateful and awful. For some people though, humiliation and shame initiate a sexual arousal somehow more likely when it is within a controlled environment and with the right people.
It’s very difficult and dangerous trying to explain the “why” when it comes to someone’s turn-on, but I dare say that all has to the way our society is structured and how we grow up. Funny enough, all the guilt society is trying to place inside us regarding our sexuality ends up having the opposite results. Our soul, our brain and heart are far more complicated than placing a “bad tag” on something to make sure we won’t pursue it. So for a girl, learning that a slut is bad thing, learning a definition of what a slut is (a definition that is easily altered depending on the era and the different societies) may result in the strange phenomenon that when she is called as one to be sexually aroused. Don’t get me wrong here, I am not claiming that to be a common slut is something good but if you manage to give me a definition of what a slut is so strong that is accepted in the same way from all the societies in the world then you are very sophisticated.
Possibly growing up in a society with such a strong Puritanical streak that teaches that sexuality is something shameful results to that paradox. We all know that so many people go through periods (longer or shorter all the same) of intense shame during puberty, a shame that usually is not well fought by their parents quite the opposite, usually they help to make it even strong especially if they grow up in repressive and/or sex-negative environments. In such environments, sexual feelings are destined to bring shame and in the subconscious somehow is born a link between them. That is exactly why using shame can become a “tool” to sexualy stimulate your partner in their later adult life.
A skilful BDSM Master knowing exactly the past of his submissive can eventually find out the specific “shameful” feeling linked to the sexual desire in order to use them to turn on his partner. He may also find out new and different shameful feelings that properly linked together with the old ones will result in the same or even greater sexual stimulation. Any kind of strong emotional response can get you going sexually and that’s why so many people love having sex after they have an argument. So common but no one really thought deeper why that happens or why this is accepted as a norm when humiliation is not. Human beings are emotionally complex, and any strong emotion in the right situation can turned into sexual arousal. Strong emotions often make sex more pleasurable, more intense, and combine are fun!