stop-abuse-source

Many times I spoke to people about the need everything to be within the limits of SSC. Same goes for the need of a safe word that EVERY Dom need to honor and respect. Both are important to keep everything within limits and avoid to cross the line of abuse in our relationship. RELATIONSHIP. That is the third element we need to keep everything away from abuse. A relationship means that two people spend time together, learn each other inside out, trust and care for each other. Do not take it lightly and don’t think it is easy to have a “one night stand” within BDSM. If you do, it is easy to find your self into very unpleasant situations.

What a Master/Dom is? A person that leads the relationship and control what is going on during a sexual scene. So let us see an example how easy one might step into the world of abuse even though his intentions are only SSC. Before everything, I want to point to the direction that though I speak for a female submissive, same applies for male subs as well.

You go out and meet a nice submissive who is into the mood to play together. You don’t know her as she doesn’t know you. Still after some time you find out that you both enjoy pain (give/receive) and whips are giving pleasure to both. You find the place to go and you have her bound ready to receive a good whipping session. You set up a safe word and then everything start.

You whip her back and any other possible spot on her body. Adrenaline runs inside her body and for those who understand the ways human body works it is both good and bad. You also feel more and more excited by the scene and everything that comes with it. Your desire drives you to give her more, her voice asking for more in fact drives you crazy. How her body to every stroke she receives turns you on more and more.

She asks and she takes it. You give and she thank you. Adrenaline and libido to the max. No safe word is said so we are fine. Are we? No we are not. Most probably you are into the world of abuse and you are failing to realize it. She is driven by the desire to surrender to you. Her brain is flooded by adrenaline therefore she is not any more “sober” and capable to understand what is going on. She is not calling for the safe word because she is not in position to feel the need to say it. What you miss is the deeper knowledge of your submissive and her limits. The knowledge that will dictate the need to stop as you are crossing her limits.

It is easy to be carried away and that works the same for both Doms and submissives. There is the misconception that only a Dom might be carried away but the truth is somehow different. A submissive may also be carried away and not only by entering the subspace. That is where the title Master comes for me. It is the moment that he decides if it is proper to continue or not. If it is the moment to change to something different. If she is moving beyond the limits of sane and consensual or not. And to do all these you need to deeply know her. A knowledge usually provided by a relationship of any kind. Don’t take me wrong, it might be a friendly relationship but even so, it will be enough to provide the time to know deeper her thoughts and her limits.

Yes I have played in my life without having a relationship but always with “games” that are safe and not something that might drive me out of the SSC rule. If you want to practice BDSM as a sexual stimulus, learn how to command your desires and urges. And my advice to submissives is one. Do not trust anyone that you don’t know well, do not surrender your body to a man if you are not feeling really sure he will respect it. Be SANE in your desires and love your body. Yes I am against any cuts, any body modification and other “kinks” (blood etc) that I see them as disrespect to the human body and honestly I find hard to understand why people feel the need to hurt the most important “instrument” given to us.

6 thoughts on “BDSM – The thin line between Consent and Abuse

  1. I am new to the lifestyle. Your writing is absolutely amazing and very knowledgeable. I had played with a domain and got hurt. He informed me that truth submissives do not have hard limits. Started research and found you. Thank you for your article.

  2. Thanks Master P, that was a very insightful article. I’m new to the BDSM world as a submissive and like to hear from experienced experts.

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