I don’t really know what this article will be about and/or how good or bad might appear. I just want to write something without knowing what about. So, I start typing and allow the letters reveal where this article will lead. Recently I had a conversation with a woman sharing with me the fact that she had a bad sexual life, so bad that she never had an orgasm. She is not the first telling me something like that. I heard a lot of women saying that and it makes me wonder what men are doing out there. It is so easy to understand that the more you care about your partners satisfaction the more you will receive in return. Can’t they really get it or is it possible that some (or many) people find sexual activities as something boring that if they could they would happily delete from their life?
Maybe in BDSM submissives have a better luck because within the lifestyle it is really important to care for your partner. But again, I might be wrong and speaking the words of one who see the world in a very different way than others. Yes I have to admit that the way I feel is like this. I see things in a different way, I feel in a different way, I play in a different way, I AM DIFFERENT. For good or bad is hard to say but again, I am proud of how I am. Sometimes that difference makes me suffer and other times it makes me breathe deeply in comfort. I love to speak with lyrics so I will use the following:
“Don’t try and blame me for your games
Your games are death
My world is light, the angels fill my eyes
With every breath”
Bruce Dickinson – The Alchemist
I am different by nature not by choice. I have no choice or saying on this and I truly love it. It makes it hard to find a match, a partner to walk with in life but again, I don’t even dare to dream of the beauty that will bring the moment that I will feel I have a match. No she doesn’t have to be like me, actually I do not want her to be like me and feel different as I do. I want her though to be able to appreciate that difference, respect it even if she can’t understand it.
“And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?”
Pink Floyd – The Final Cut
I guess speaking this way comes as a surprise to those who read me a long time now. Yes I have a weak side, a dark side, a bright side, an ugly side, a romantic side, a hard side and any other possible side you could imagine. I am human as you are and that makes me one who can be very unpredictable and predictable the same time. What beauty would it be in our life if we all had one or two sides? It would have been very boring, don’t you agree? I believe BDSM is something that takes power from this. Look on a submissive receiving a whipping. How strong she looks as she stands receiving the pain and taking pleasure by this? But once the session is ended and during the after care how weak she is? Do you agree?
Am I perfect? No I am not, who is after all? No one. Do I seek perfection? No I don’t. There is no such thing as perfection. The only thing is the effort to reach it as it helps us to improve. Do I like my flaws? I love them. My flaws makes me who I am and If you can’t understand that part then you need to read a bit more about humans and maybe some more philosophy. Are there things I would like to change. Yes sure there are but I won’t kill me self If I don’t. They call me arrogant because I say that “those who don’t like me they are free to look on the other way”. If i change and what I will change it will be for me and only for me. It will be my own decision made to make me feel better not because some people say they don’t like this or the other.
Women are unique in my eyes and that is what I love in them. They are “crazy” in a good way of speaking and make life beautiful. Even when they say “I won’t say a word” and then they start speaking for an hour or so. It is entertaining. The good is, in BDSM if we get tired we can always place them a mouth gag, restrain them etc. -chuckles- Sometimes they might do it in purpose asking for it. They so much love to misbehave, don’t you think so? Same as they like to provoke, it is in their nature. Sit down and watch a woman getting dressed without knowing you are looking on her. You will notice they are doing the exact same thing they would have done if you were there to provoke you. The way they move is magic!!!! I am talking about the women who are really feminine here.
It is exactly the nature a Master desire to Dominate, to conquer and make it his own “property”. At least this is how I feel, how I see it. The effort to CONQUER the beauty of the world. Is it the same feeling when I restrain her or whip her or spank her? Yes it is. For me the beauty in all these is how her body reacts to my touch not anything else. I love how her legs stretch or shake when we play. I am an observer and that is what I like when I play with my sub. Observe her body, the beauty of her body.
Beyond the beauty of her body I love the mental aspect. Every single part of it. How she desire to submit, how I get into her thoughts and dig deep into the darker corners of her head. How she opens to become one with me and expose who she is without fear and hesitation in comparison to any vanilla woman who is afraid to do the same. It is admirable to see her be an open book for me and by her choice ONLY FOR ME!! It is said. Submission is a gift. And when we speak about submission we don’t mean a knealing position. True submission is in the head not the body. Kneeling is only a symbolic move, an indication. Without the mental aspect it means nothing.
I will use the following quote form V for Vendetta (A great movie that I suggest you all spend some time to watch and UNDERSTAND it)
“The building is a symbol. As is the act of destroying it. Alone a symbol is meaningless. But with enough people, blowing up a building can change the world.”
I will dare alter it in the following way:
Kneeling is a symbolic act. As is the act of restraining a submissive. Alone a symbol is meaningless. But with enough people, braking up the Vanilla bonds can change the world.
I will end here as I feel I am carried away a lot. I spoke a lot about my self and how I see things and not about the lifestyle as I usually do. Yes it is the need to share my thoughts with people who can understand me. I don’t have a lot like you in my life and that makes you all so special to me. Do I feel lonely? In some way I do. Long time without a submissive surrounded only by vanillas, is not the best after some time. Sadly enough I turned 37 and still to find the match that will walk beside me for the rest of my life. It is my fault, I know I am so demanding in that part.
Anyway, thank you all for reading my thoughts.