I always say, believe and explain the BDSM lifestyle as a lifestyle build upon the foundations of respect and for good reason avoid to mention punishment. This time I decided to speak about punishment but as well some short mention of respect. There is punishment and “punishment” and we have to identify the difference between those two terms. Before I proceed I want to make clear that I believe in “punishment” and not in punishment. Hopefully you will understand that as you read this article.
What is punishment? As we read on wiki, “Punishment is the authoritative imposition of something undesirable or unpleasant upon an individual or group, in response to behaviour that an authority deems unacceptable or a violation of some norm”. The goal of any punishment? Change of behavior. How do I see punishment? When it comes from a person towards another person in our personal life I see it as the “tool” of the mentally weak or the only way the mentally weak learn. In any case is a sound example of mentally weak personalities. Usually some people are stronger than others (physically) and it helps them to apply any form of punishment to the weak. Traditionally we can see that from husband to wife, parents to kids and so on. Any punishment will attempt to modify a behavior by growing fear in the subjects mind. Most of us might have experienced that as kids. The truth in this is that actually it modifies the “surface” not the core of human behavior.
Let assume we have a person that loves to do the x activity in a way we believe is wrong. We have two options to alter that behavior. Try to teach and give reason or punish and apply fear into the heart. For anyone physically strong person the easiest part is to strike fear to his/her “victim”. The hardest is to convince and provide reasoning in why they have to change the way they behave. Doing the second one, in time will grow its respect towards the “teacher” and will try hard on its own to constantly improve. On the other hand, when we strike fear, they keep feeling and want to do the same but as they are afraid of the consequences they do something different.
“Punishment” as I say, it is a playful situation. As an example I can bring any mis-behavior by submissives in order to provoke a punishment. During such a situation both parts play a role, they find pleasure in what is happening and do everything in consent. Spanking because they love spank, whipping because they love whips and so on. It is a mutual understanding and a form of communication. That is exactly the reason I a fan of “punishment”.
Now you might be wandering if I ever use punishment as a method to give a lesson to a submissive. It is something I try hard to avoid but some people really need more than just words and reasoning. I always try to explain, give reasons, show examples and help my submissive UNDERSTAND WHY she has to change her way. Usually it works but for sure I am not afraid to use real punishment to achieve my goal.
It is the same reason I am against the term “break” a submissive. When we break a sub in the way is anticipated by the most, we actually destroy who they really are. We string fear into their heart and “force” them to do anything we like for that reason. I like more to use the word bend though, as it indicates we alter without destroying them. We change them in a new shape that is pleasing to us and the same time they also enjoy it more. The only thing we might have to break some times is their fear to admit their desires and who they are. But before we allow to our selves to “break” that, we need to make sure there are things they need to admit.