Master vs Dom, explaining the main difference of the two types of Toppers in BDSM


Checking around different posts on the BDSMfriendBOOK I stumbled upon a post to a link for the differences between a Master and a Dom making me realize I never wrote here about it. I did a brief research and I have to admit I am surprised how much wrong information are out there to the extend that in some cases I found explanations like a Dom is not someone with BDSM traits!!!! So let’s see what really a Dom is and what a Master from my point of view. 

As you know Dom is the short for Dominant, and for females is Domme. The word derives from the Latin word Dominus and by definition it means Master or Owner. So initially, I can say a Dom and a Master actually is the same by word definition though we use them as something different in the lifestyle.

Master on the other hand is more like one with big knowledge and experience. Now some say that a Master is a Dom who spend many years in the lifestyle and dedicated his life to learn as more as possible. I do not agree with that and I will explain that later. They see it as an honorable title but there is a deeper meaning than just honor.

Where I strongly disagree with most of them, is they see everything as titles defined on their own when in my point of view, the title is defined by the other part of the relationship, the bottom. I am a believer that a Master goes with a slave and a Dom with a sub therefore there are no other levels. There are no Grand Masters and small Doms. We do not need to complicate things when they are simple.

The similarity explained in the word definition of Dom is exactly what makes perfectly acceptable for a Dom to permit or ask from His girl to call Him as Master. He can’t be an owner though since He is dealing with a submissive and not a slave. 

When we analyze and think of titles, the definition of words is really important. So you might be wondering why we need them? In my personal opinion we don’t. We only have to use them at some points just to indicate preferences when we introduce our self to those who don’t know us.

You’re going to hear them a lot nonetheless, and will starting points when we’re meeting potential partners (much more when it is online). As I said they only give a general indication of preferences therefore don’t stay to the tiles one use if you wish to know how compatible you are. Ask for more information if you want to know someone, there is nothing wrong is asking and if you spot an approach like “you are a bottom you should not ask so much” that should work as an alarm that something wrong is going on.

To sum up and give you clear difference between them I will go back to the differences of a sub and a slave. If you want to fully control a person you can’t be a Dom but only a Master.  A submissive on the other hand can’t deal with a Master as she needs a less controlling environment. Beyond that, a Master and a Dom are the same.

One last notice. What you practice and how often does not affect the title. If you are into B&D, D&S, S&M or all of them it makes no difference. If you just like a controlling power exchanging environment or sadomasochism will not change anything at all. If that was the case then we would have a huge list of titles defining our sexual and/or companionship preferences. I am a Dom (as I usually deal with submissives) and not a breast bondage slapping and spanking pet Master. How silly does this sound?

6 thoughts on “Master vs Dom, explaining the main difference of the two types of Toppers in BDSM

  1. I really liked the way you put this, I had a councilor who has a PH.D In the treatment of sex offenders, I asked a very simple question question, I asked him this question, “What do you know about the B.D.S.M, D/s and S & m lifestyle”, he said he didn’t know anything about it” I then made this statement “Then your not qualified to council someone who come to you who is living the B.D.S.M, D/s or S & m lifestyle, You may be book smart, but you are under qualified for counseling.

    1. You have a strong point here. In fact they would need to study deeply the lifestyle to get a better understanding of the lifestyle. I strongly believe that most of what we like they would just approach them as mental disorders or label us offenders. However, as I do see plenty of sexual offenders trying to get advantage of the lifestyle by claiming the title Master followed by the “you are slave you have to do what you are told without thinking”, it is time for them to start getting a better and closer look in our ways to help all those who might become victims of such animals. Mainly women if not all of them women. As I said, it is a great lifestyle but women need to be extremely careful with whom they get involved.

  2. I have a question, about the master/slave relationship. Do masters and slave ever really love each other. Or do masters only see their slaves as a favorite toy. Do they ever put thier needs above what they want. I’m still learning the BDSM life style. I want a loving relationship with the partner I choose, and I’ve heard a slave could never be a girlfriend. If that’s so then I’d like to know why.

    1. Yes, M/s do love each other and yes they can be anything they desire. The love they have comes from the trust they have in each other.

  3. “not a breast bondage slapping and spanking pet Master” , Oh this had me laughing. I just found your blog through a reblog, and I’m finding it very informative, thank you. My Sir and I are somewhere between D/s and M/s, but we just do what comes naturally to us and we aren’t worried about labeling ourselves.

    1. Hello 🙂

      Thank you for your comments. I am glad to see you were laughing. That was exactly what I was doing as I was writing it to be honest with you. I want to say that you and your Sir are doing exactly what it should be done. Enjoy what you do, live it as your nature demands it and never care of the labels. The more we care of labels, the more we miss the point of what we do. Just be your self and carpe diem

      Master P

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