submissive training

I receive emails and comments for tips about training. I explained many times that training is a personal subject and not something like 1-2-3.  After many emails I decided to provide you with the one and only method of training. You need to learn how to be a Dom and even if you are a natural Dom like me again you need to keep developing your skills.

There is a myth in my opinion that subsmissives need to be trained. I have read many different articles and discussed opinions. Some so silly up to how to teach your sub to serve tea in the appropriate way. Go find a battler if you need to train one to serve you tea.

A submissive need something more realistic. They need learn emotional and interpersonal best practices, communication (yes some people find hard to communicate their thoughts,feelings and desires), clear boundaries, hot to manage emotions (both the emotions of their own and their Dom), how to identify triggers in order to follow their Dom, and subs who tend to have a strong psychological subspace response should also learn to handle that. Whatever other skills that a particular Dom desires his girl to master can be taught but are only subject of personal preference not a rule.

I am tired of people confusing personal preferences with what is important and what really matters. Now how you will train your sub to all the above I have no suggestion to make. Again it is a matter of personal preference as also a matter of  your own personal skills. For example, if you are not a good communicator yourself, there is no way to train your sub in the ways to communicate her thoughts, feelings and desires. You need to train your self first.

Exactly that is the best training method. Train your self first. Do not expect your sub to do anything that you are not ready to do it first on your own. Some with a “God Syndrome” believe that be a Dom means giving orders and making requests. Sorry guys, that is not how it goes.

I hold two more advices. One for subs and one for Doms. My advice to subs is: “Don’t seek BDSM training and do not expect anyone to come to you as a teacher. Work on your own and work on your emotional and interpersonal skills. When you choose a Dom try to do it using your reason and not your hormones. Find always a capable sincere dom who is honest and ready to dedicate his time to you.” My advice to doms is: “Definitely seek education and mentoring. Keep in mind that what you wish to achieve is hard and not an easy task. Read as much as you can and learn how to identify which readings are useful and closer to the reality. Do not learn only what apply to your own desires, thoughts, beliefs and fantasies. The hardest is to learn what is beyond your self. After all, one day you will ask from your sub to learn about you, something that is beyond their self”

For me a BDSM training is the way we develop a relationship organically, and teach our partner things, about us or about them, as needed.In my opinion, all the talk in BDSM circles about BDSM training  is wrong-headed and influenced by novels and/or personal fantasies. No standard training regime is required to be a good submissive . In fact, it is us the Doms who require the training, and not simply on how to hold a whip or how it is safe to use it. That is the easy part.

I hope you find useful this article regarding training and I promise that I will try to write more in the future. As it is impossible to give one and only training method as an advice, same hard it is to write a single and only article about training.

19 thoughts on “The one and only training method in BDSM

  1. You talk about, how learning to use the whip safely as the easy part, can you recommend any good online resources for this? I am a new and inexperienced dom, and this is the stage I am at, i rather unexpectedly found my relationship with my girlfriend turn into a loving dom/sub dynamic , and we have been exploring its depths, i have found many of your articles helps, i give assignments and such, but i find she is testing me, hoping for punishment i think, so i want to make sure i learn it properly. I have been having a hard time discerning, amateur porn advice from actual real advice, so i ask your opinion on where i should find real information on safe punishment

    Thanks

    1. Hi Jeff,

      I don’t really have in mind a place where you can read something. Since this is a relationship that start developing in this way maybe you should take some time and get together to discuss what is actually anticipated as punishment by her. How safe it will be it depends on the way you guys practice the lifestyle. Remember this is a lifestyle that everything are based on each ones personality. What works for me it doesn’t have to work for anyone else in this world but one (my sub). Anything else should not be of your interest. Do a research, find a few things you believe can work for you guys or anything you feel with a bit of modification will work. Then talk about it with her.

      Be happy she is pushing you to punish her. A submissive like this is a sub who is really into the lifestyle and is not just a sex act for her. Therefore don’t be afraid to follow her lead but before doing so make sure you got the correct translation of her signals.

  2. Thanx Master P for youre blogg with so mutch information. I am new as a submissive and i actually start to blogg too, just for my own journal in theese trip as a submissive. I have a Dom/Master who support me in so many ways and my hunger after Learning more is so intense. I am looking for a Mentor, but after a while i understand that it wasn`t easy. There is so many Dom/Masters out there, but as i am taking things so seriouse i have to see the differens between a seriouse Metor or just a Dom who just want to play. As i told you, i already have a Master. So with youre blogg i enjoy. And i learn so mutch from you 🙂 So thanx Master P for giving me the hope of Learning to be a good and better submissive
    ( sorry for my bad English, but i am Norwegian… lol )

    Have a nice day Sir / nenneS

    1. Thank you for all your kind words. As about your English, no worries dear, English are not my first as well therefore you will find quite a lot of mistakes on my blog 🙂

  3. This writer is very good on the subject, IMHO…..If anyone needs training it is the Dom. In a D/s relationship, it is all about the s……the little…..In my case, it is all about her. She will train you as to her needs, wants and desires….training the Dom takes time–Also, when a good master employs pain or mental domination, it is not Sadism or the work of a power-monger as you see in the movies, it is for Baby Girl…..to stop that racing mind inside of most subs. The master will bring her mind to a complete stop. He will cause a void inside of her where all kinds of garbage once lived. But then, his job really begins. He has to begin to fill that void. A lot of hurt and pain and tension was released from inside the little angel……She is precious and you know she is better, everyone is happy…….almost….because I still have to fill that void with something……How about love, a sense of safety–happy things. And she begins to grow and change in front of your very eyes for the long-term. She becomes totally dependent on you, of course….and the Master worships his little even though some may not show it well….I am not one of those, I make sure she knows it constantly. He must take this sub, who he now owns by her own free choice because she thinks she has found home and she has…..then tears from from her the belief she is a no-thing and replaces it with understanding inside of her over time that she is an every-thing. For many people, the BDSM lifestyle can be a most positive life changer. It just helps to understand it.

  4. Hi
    I’m utterly clueless regarding BDSM, my induction was a book call 50 shades of Grey and that was purly accidental. I thought the author just had a strange imagination .

    J

    1. Indeed, 50 shades is a book that within the lifestyle does not receive a lot of appreciation. In fact it is far from reality and only in some parts is managing to portray a real life BDSM relationship. In my own opinion as stated in one of my previous posts, I find it really dangerous for the community of BDSM as it may lead people to make a lot of mistakes. On the other hand, it may help some to search deeper and find out a lot of new things about who they are and/or what they want.

      As I take it, 50 shades drove your curiosity and you are researching more about the lifestyle. Is it so? If you don’t mind me asking, what is it that drives your curiosity and what you hope to find?

    2. I forgot to mention, if you feel shy to answer in public and would like to talk about it with me, feel free to contact me via my contact page that mails directly to my email.

    1. Hello Jacqueline.

      Allow me to say you have one of the nicest names. I do not understand the concept of cruel as most people does. To say the truth, I do not understand why some people consider Mastery a synonym to cruelty. I believe that is a misconception mostly empowered by the porn industry.

      When you say you don’t know a lot about my world, do you mean BDSM as a lifestyle or specifically about me? In any case feel free to ask anything you like to allow me introduce you to my “world” 🙂

      Be safe.

  5. Thank you for your posts. I am new is the Master/slave relationship. Your posts are helping me understand better what it takes to be a good Master. My wife is extremely submissive, but is not sure she wants to be a slave. Thanks to your posts I now understand she needs time to learn to trust me and I in return need to be patient.

  6. lol, clearly I am reading a lot of your stuff today. and every bit of info helps. like I said in an earlier post, im seeking as much info as I can get my hands on. think of it like im jumping in head first, with my hands and mind open.

  7. Master P.,
    A brief description of our situation.
    My husband and I have been married for 28 years and we have done BDSM for many years but recently within the last year we have a discussed Dom/slave relationship. We have read books and websites but I just get confused by what I’m suppose to do, I tell hubby that I want to train him the way I want him to be not what all the other webbers are saying how it has to be. When I stumbled across you site, I really enjoyed reading it, it made me feel like I didn’t need to be such a witch. I want to be a loving, caring dom and train through the behavior I want to change and not change the person. He tells me that as long as he is in some kind of bondage from when he gets home from work , that he will be willing to do anything for me (and he does). I want to train him on one or two commands a week and not all at once so that I know that he knows what is expected of him and I know what he expects from me and repeating the same two commands for a week will give him and I time for discussion. I guess what I’m trying to ask is: am I wrong in how I want to train? and do you have any videos of your trainings on a day to day basis? I want to be the best Mistress for my hubby.

    1. Hello Lisa

      Thank you for your comment. First of all no I do not have any video as I am not into recording my private moments. I do not see any point but even if I had again it would be something to stay private not publicly exposed. As of your description I can say you are doing very well. Reading my blog you must have noticed I believe a lot in doing what we feel it works better for us not what some wannabe mentors are trying to push into the lifestyle.
      If what you do works well on your sub then apparently it is the best way to take it. Others might say the x method is better but that is what worked better for them. Just keep trying to find out his deeper thoughts and never trust you know everything until the moment you feel it deep inside you.

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