balance

I never thought before to write anything specific about this subject though I am sure I touched it a few times with some of my previous posts. A recent comment made me think that is a good idea to speak a bit more about the thin line of balance between two different worlds. Some claim we have to live only one of them mainly because they believe the consolidation of them eventually will destroy the one or the other. But what if those worlds are not that different at the bottom end? Have you ever thought of it? Shocking? Crazy? Let’s see.

So what is the purpose in any type of relationship? The ultimate goal that many times we miss to realize? Improvement. In any type of relationship through communication and collaboration eventually we improve ourselves same as we improve our partners. Look around you, and think of one you know really well and who is into a relationship for a very long time. Is he or she the same person as it was when started that relationship? I bet not. The are changes occurred and the thought that only life circumstances and situations was behind any transformation is not really accurate. At this point, I would like to say something. A change that you evaluate as something bad, for them might be something good if it is by choice and not by force.

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Love. Yes love is the next thing that both worlds share in common. No matter how much some people try to argue that love has no place in BDSM, feelings and emotions are there. Actually as I claim, BDSM without love is not a lifestyle but an abusive and savage behavior. Vanilla or BDSM we all feel love for our partners, we care for their pleasures, their happiness and all those feelings that makes them feel they have a nice life with us. If I touch my girl with a whip and another one with a rose, we both “play” with sensations. We both try to trigger all those brain functions that will fill her with pleasure. The way is different, the goal is the same.

Rules. Is there any relationship at all in this life without a set of rules? Even in chaos you will find rules as we learn from physics. The fact that I like my girl to wear a collar the next moment she comes in the house is no different at all from what in a vanilla house will happen when people choose to wear something comfortable or leave the shoes at the door. It is exactly the same thing with different “tools”.

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Discipline – punishment. In any place with rules there is always discipline and punishment as a way of correction. When a friend of mine says that he is not going to make a call to his girlfriend because she misbehaved the other night is no different from me giving her a good spanking session. Actually spanking might result in some more interesting activities than not giving her a call.

Sexuality. In both worlds we express our sexual desires. It is a fact that in BDSM we are free and open to express our deepest and “darker” desires in comparison to vanilla relationships but again, there so many vanillas out there who are so deep into kinks that many find hard to distinguish between a vanilla kinkster and a BDSMer.

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Honesty and respect. Sadly enough in our years, those two are hard to find. People love to lie, love to pretend and be so selfish that care not at all for those near them. Nevertheless, the common practice does not change the fact that we can’t have a healthy and nice relationship without honestly and respect. Those two are essential in any type of relationship. Vanilla or BDSM we can’t achieve anything without them. For sure in BDSM they are even more important as through them we know what to do or how to do it.

I can keep going for long bringing more and more examples but I will stop here. I will only add something more about love. Some people in BDSM claim that love will soften our ways but that is wrong. Love will tie up the bond between Dom and sub. Love will give us all the interest in our submissive’s well being, all the care of how to bring happiness to her. It will work the same way for her side. And yes, when I whip her ass I do it with love and respect, admiring her body and how she surrenders to me. If you are a vanilla that is hard to understand it but please, respect my wa. After all, what I do with my girl in our bedroom is our choice and we both enjoy it.

Yes there is a thin line of balance between the two worlds as both share many common things. The main difference is the practice and the way we achieve something and over the principles we build a relationship. It is easy without realizing how, a BDSM relationship end up as a vanilla one when the opposite is quite hard to happen in such way. But again, if a relationship will be driven to the vanilla side it means that both parties are happy to go that way. Nothing wrong there. The lifestyle we live is our choice and we follow whatever makes us and our partner happy. We don’t need to judge others for their choices as we expect the same from them.

For me the best is to live both of them even if we are into BDSM 24/7 like I do. We all need our sensitive and romantic moments. We all need the touch of a rose at some point and there is nothing bad in it. Balance is essential for a healthy brain and soul.

If I can give one advice, then I would say keep the best from both worlds and make the most out of them. How you will combine them, that is something really personal and up to you to find the way. As Buddha said, the way is not in the sky, the way is in the heart.

So what do you think about it? As always I love to read your thoughts and discuss them through your comments.

Master P

2 thoughts on “The thin line of balance between two worlds. BDSM-Vanilla

  1. Master P.
    Again thank you.
    I have been in both vanilla and D/s relationships. I prefer D/s, just for the fact that we need to have that open commutation. This builds trust, and respect. I was married for 10 in a vanilla relationship which ended in divorce, due to lack of commutation and honesty, on both parties.
    I found it hard to be honest with someone that was not honest with me. I felt disrespected, resentful, judged, and very unhappy. My relationship with Sir is completely different. We are open, honest, caring, I completely trust Sir, the respect that we both have for each other is wonderful.

  2. Master P, thank you for this post. After noticing the parallels between vanilla and BDSM relationships myself, I thought that I didn’t fully grasped what makes one different from the other.

    The general public don’t see these similarities you noted. What’s not also seen is the high level of tender care, respect, and love within BDSM relationships. And that honest and authentic human interactions occured there. While most are appalled at the idea of submitting and/or dominating, a D/S dynamic is persent in most if not all human relationships.

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