This is the second article I am publishing based on the search terms used to find my blog. BDSM Training is the second one therefore I will write something relevant, the third article for such an important subject. Though usually I say that training is something personal exactly as I believe it is, this time I will try to be a bit more specific helping those who need a guidance.
But before I say more, let me define what training is according to my opinion. As I see it, we may define as training the period we need to learn each other when we form a new relationship. It is the same (more or less) for a new to the lifestyle sub as it is for an experienced sub starting with a new Dom.
Some people tend to forget the second as they are mislead-ed by the fact they deal with an experienced sub. The fact that she is experienced does not change the fact that she is clueless of her new Dom likes and dislike as also what he expects from her to deliver and/or how to deliver it. In the case of an experienced sub many like to call it “trial period” and that is correct. BUT, even in such a trial period, the desire of a sub to be with a Dom can lead her to enter under a training session in order to achieve the compatibility level desires in order to be owned by Him.
So in any case we start a relationship with a new (to us and/or the lifestyle) sub there is always a period of time we may define it as a training period. To initiate that period a Dom should first discuss with his sub (HONSTLY & OPENLY) their likes – dislikes as also any limits they will both agree to respect.
After that there should be given a set of rules the sub will need to follow from now on. It is important to make clear that those rules will hardly ever change during their relationship no matter how long they will stay together. Hence, before start giving hundred of rules think carefully and deeply what YOU consider important for your relationship and then make them known to your sub.
Humans, by nature are creatures that learn and follow routines. We all do it no matter in what lifestyle we are. Simple example would be how people love to have a morning coffee or an orange juice. It is a routine that we keep doing on a daily basis for almost all our life and when circumstances are forcing us to skip it we feel very uncomfortable. For a sub is the same. She will have to learn a lot of things to do the way her Dom wants and if for any reason He will start asking her to act in different ways then she will start not only feeling uncomfortable but also confused the least.
Actually asking things to be done in different ways can happen if you need a change for some reason (that you need to explain and make clear is not because of her fault) or because you want to do that as a punishment.
Remember that when we make word of punishment we are not talking only about corporal punishments. Mental punishment is also a form of discipline and to be honest I believe it is stronger than corporal. The use of both is important though. Discipline and punishment is used to correct conscious as well as unconscious mistakes made by a slave or submissive.
Of course, some times submissives make mistakes on purpose, either to test their Dom or to provoke punishment as they find pleasure in a punishing process. Yes, for those who find it surprising, submissives and mostly the experienced ones, do test their Dom and many times without Him know about it. They test if the Dom is dedicated to his own rules and the way He wants things to be done. They might even try to Dom him from bellow to test his mental strength.
Written assignments is another method or “tool” to use for training. A diary is something I love a lot. She has to keep a diary with her thoughts and feelings, a place where she will be free to write anything at all knowing that will never be punished for what she will reflect in her writings.
You need to know that even in the most honest and open relationships, a sub might not feel comfortable to express a few things verbally. To skip that obstacle we ask her to keep the diary. She needs to write there without fear and always within the concept that no one will ever read it.
The Dom will read it though, at moments that he will be alone and that will help both parties to get to know each other and mostly the dominant understand the submissives needs and training needs more effectively. He will also be able to see what his submissive consider to be wrong and you will be surprised that actually He can find mistakes and errors of his to improve in the future. The diary is also a tool to help the submissive grow and to help both communicate more effectively.
Testing the submissive or slave regularly during the training period (but not only then as testing will keep her on her toes always) will help to measure the achievement of set goals. The dominant need not notify the submissive that some skill will be tested and should communicate the results to the submissive after the test.
Rewards should be given always. Remember what ever she does it is not only because she founds pleasure in it but in many times she finds pleasure in knowing she pleasures her Master. I will use an example of reward and I will use a pet play one.
Before the end of the day we get into pet play for about two hours. She knows that if she will perform well she will be allowed to sleep on the bed but if she is a bad pet then she will have to sleep also as a pet on the floor or a cage. Reward and Punishment always depending on the way she performs.
Skills is something that many discuss very often. Some times I believe they miss the reality and start caring for things such as cooking and tea serving. For me things like that are irrelevant. I care more on the way she walk, how well she keeps her femininity and sensuality, how she talk and her behavior. A lot more are important but this again fall into the sphere of personal preferences therefore I will let your imagination do the job.
There are also the positions and voice commands you can teach your sub to keep and mostly those secret signs that you will use in public to give her a specific instructions.
In private or in public, these positions ensure that the slave or submissive is constantly under control and remembers her place during and after the training. It is one of the first things you will need to set up for your relationship that will keep going during the time you are together but will also develop in time depending the ways your relationship will be developing.
One last thing to keep in mind. Teaching a submissive through consequence and reward systems will get that same submissive to do something because she finds pleasure in it but also because she want to please the dominant.
Good luck with the training and always stay in SSC limits and remember you are dealing with a human who has needs, desires and a soul. Respect her for giving you the gift of her submission, a priceless gift.
P.S. Learn what a Master is if you wish to earn the title and then try to train a submissive. Learn what you want before you make requests. Identify your needs and desire before measuring how pleasures you.