bdsm_love

As I have promised I am giving you this article about Love and the BDSM lifestyle. The vanilla world and many “lifestylers” claim it is not possible within BDSM to find the concept of love, the meaning of love in the way everyone anticipates it. Before I provide you with my arguments and my point of view let me bring to your attention what they are missing or how ignorant they truly are. They see a Master whipping the back of His slave/sub and they stay on that image without trying to get deeper in the scene to figure out why they do what they do. The vanilla individual is impossible to go so deep, most likely will be shocked by the thought of a good flogging and the “lifestyler” who can’t see love in such scene, is a dangerous and savage one who is using the BDSM only to express his anger and violence even maybe his anger towards others. So what is Love? What really means to Love a person and express that love? Is there any rule on how should we express that love?

I will start with a few words said long time ago from some wise or famous people regarding Love and show you how they fit in the BDSM lifestyle.

1. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”-Lao Tzu- Any submissive feeling loved by its Dom takes strength to keep going in the path of D/s while the same time the Dom in the presence of her Love takes the courage to keep guiding her in that path.

2.”Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”-Oscar Wilde- Imagine taking a sub on your knees and start spanking her without any feeling towards her, you would never care about what is going on in her, you will be turned into a savage brutal person who only cares to inflict pain and nothing more than that. The love in our heart is that make us know what to do, when to do it, why we do it and up to what level should we do it. Love is that tells us where are the limits or how/when to push the limits.

3.”Where there is love there is life.”-Mahatma Gandhi – Should I explain that our relationships are alive because of the presence of love?

4.”A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.”-Max Muller – That is what a sub needs to grow into the lifestyle, to develop her submissive side and find her path. The same time, the Dom needs her love to help keep going, to help him keep leading her in the path she took.

5.”“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”-Mother Teresa- In the BDSM lifestyle we do not judge others only accept them the way they are for what they are.

I could give you many more but I will finish with one that I will not comment at all “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.”-Plato- How each of us anticipates the meaning of the words touch and poet in this phrase i believe is a very personal matter.

Love is a feeling and a mental status the same time that dictates our actions fill with pleasure, happiness and joy those we love. Sometimes, love suggests that we will even do different from what we are asked knowing that this choice will be beneficial in the long run. So what is it that gives pleasure to a sub? What gives her happiness and joy? Knowing that she serves her Master/Dom. When she gives her body to be sexually used in the ways her Dom enjoys, she is filled with pleasure and happiness looking at him taking pleasure. When she needs correction she takes her punishment with pleasure, once again because she knows this is an action that in the long run will benefit their relationship as she will not do again something to disappoint her Master. But it is not only that.

After the sexual act or the punishment both will share a moment of “after care”. The Dom will go close to her to provide her the reassurance she is the one for him, he might hold her in his hug or kiss her or even grow “vanilla”. The way he will do that is a private matter defined by the two lovers and I can not speak of it. She on the other hand, will “swim” deep in that feeling, will surrender her self even more in that “after care” happy she is the one for him. They might even grow playful in a silly way and share a laugh but they will be together as one and that is the core of Love, the meaning of Love. Love is when two individuals act as one, feel as one, think as one and live as one. They forget the “I” and become “We”. How that “WE” is expressed is very personal and no one is authorised to judge it. If that “WE” is expressed within the BDSM culture that does not change the fact of its origin. The origin of LOVE. To quote Lee, the main character in the S&M themed movie, “Secretary”: “I feel more than I’ve ever felt and I’ve found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me.”

I do not feel there is any need to say more though I could analyse it even more, take examples and explain them or even speak on a more personal way. For you out of the lifestyle understand one thing. When your vanilla gf needs you to give her flowers singing a romantic song you anticipate that as love but when my sub needs to feel my hand spanking her because she misbehaved you anticipate it as cruelty. You are missing what we have in common. We both provide to our girl what she NEEDS and we both are doing it happily motivated by the feeling of Love. And honestly, I will give her flowers singing a romantic song but you will not be able to correct your gf something that usually will lead you to kill your relationship. And if you ask me who will correct the Dom I will answer you it is the “after care” process when he will do a reflection of what happen before and realise where He should improve and do better next time but you in the “vanilla” world does not know how to do that.

As always my friends feel free to comment and share your thoughts. Ask questions or provide examples. I hope you enjoyed this article and never forget one thing. What ever you do, no matter how soft or rough it is, how vanilla or BDSM, mainstream or kinky, just do it only with LOVE and Honesty.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Master P

23 thoughts on “Love in BDSM lifestyle. The BDSM culture is compatible with the concept of Love

  1. Im moving into a home with a dom friend. I feel like unkonwingly I am moving into this lifestyle direction. Im scared but I feel safe. I think he would like us to co dom the household, but I cant help to think Im already being submissive. Is this possible?

  2. Hi there, really interesting to see this blog post. I’ll wbe honest I’m feeling a bit messed up at the mo.oment and I think this blog post may have answered some questions but opened others. I have been interested in exploring this lifestyle for many years and had briefly a long time ago before I got married. I recently split from my husband, who was very much not kinky and I decided that although I wasn’t ready for a relationship I owed to myself to explore my submissive side as I’ve been longing to for so long. I met someone on a sex site and he fit the bill perfectly sexually. I knew he was married and separated but didn’t think this was an issue because I didn’t want a full relationship and wanted to keep it as just sex and not love. We’ve been playing for a few months now and I am absolutely devoted to him, but I recognize I probably have a dose of sub frenzy going on. I’ve realised to my horror that I am really falling for him and it hurtsfor various reasons. I can never truly have him, we always stay in power play meaning I know very little about him or he me and also there seems to be a lack of aftercare which I thought I didn’t mind but now sometimes afterwards I feel awful. He keeps a lot of his life hidden from me because I guess he thinks if it goes wrong he’d be protected. The devotion seems to be pretty one way sometimes, although this changes day by day. I think I need to stop this as it is only going to end in tears but I cannot bear to tear myself away.

    1. For me anyone who keeps things hidden is not the one to be with. No matter what the reason is. I believe in relationships that are fair for both and that comes with honesty about who you are and what your life is.

  3. In a previous relationship I was “jokingly” told I was a freak for asking for my kinky needs to be met. It really messed with my head and confidence, as well as my self worth. Then, I met Daddy.

    Daddy, thankfully is a true Dom, and helped me see that just because my normal is not vanilla, does not mean something is wrong with me, and that I deserve to have my needs met.

    It is only part of why I love Him so much. The connection we share is a deep bond, one based on love and respect. I could not be in any kind of sexual relationship with someone I did not love. And honestly, Daddy’s collar around my neck gas more meaning than the wedding ring I wore when I was married to my ex.

    To people who say a sadist cannot truly love His partner, or a masochist has no sense of self-worth because of the activities they engage in… I tell them they are small minded and ignorant to assume everyone can be happy in a vanilla relationship. Love for Daddy is at the center of every one of my actions. Likewise, Daddy’s love for me is at the center of every punishment as well as reward.

    1. Hi Shelly,
      Now this is something it could make a very interesting subject for an article on my blog. Would you like to elaborate more your POV? I’d be really happy to post something written from a collard sub POV.

  4. i loved your article! to me BDSM is about the relationship and the longing, trust, respect,communication, consent and love. it has made me grow a great deal! as a sub, as a person, as a woman. and yes i am putting the We before the i. i am into the lifestyle 24/7 and aware of the etiquette that my being a sub implies no caps. Thank you for this article!!!

  5. Hello, i have a question and I would adore to know your opinion about it: a true Master has many slaves/subs/pets or a real Master is a ‘Master of only one’? My doubt exists because I think we must dedicate ourselves 100% to our relationship (D/s or not), and because I think it’s impossible to develop a real dedication when you have many people to give attention to…

    Thank you for sharing your world with us!!

    1. I believe the same with you. The excuse that a Master may have more than one at the same time sounds to me a way to explain why you love to have more than one partners. It is not the Master who drives such a desire, it is the personality of that person that he would have done the same in any lifestyle at all

  6. Greetings to you Sir, I really loved the article and I agree with you completely on this. I’m a sub and I just cannot be in a relationship like this with someone I’m not in love with or completely trust that person. I really love and enjoy bdsm and it’s actually the only way I could be pleased and just so happens my current bf loves bdsm just as I do and I just can’t wait to experience this with him.

  7. My fiancee has just started a relationship with a man who is going to become her Dom. They have meet and begun training. We have spent many hours discussing this and she has expressed the sentiments that Catherine posted “It was as though all of the puzzle pieces of my life fell into place over the course of his teaching.”

    We have been together for 11 years and in the past two years were have explored my desire for a cuckold relationship. We have meet numerous men and she has had sex with them while I was present and also when I was not there. All these experiences were very satisfying to me and her. I was not challenged by her desire to explore the BDSM experience. We went to a local club on a visitor’s tour and considered joining. I am comfortable with people choosing the sexual activities they need.

    It is extremely sad to me to hear of someone, in a great relationship, that has a need to explore another element of their sexually but is denied that by a partner. During our threesomes I was able to explore my bi-sexuality. With her there I felt secure and loved. I am supportive of her need to have the “puzzle pieces” of herself fall in to place.

    Completely unexpectedly my reaction after her first meet up with her Sir was very emotional and very upsetting. She has had sex with other men before with my knowledge and I have enjoyed those, so why I wondered has this caused such a meltdown. Your post on love has helped me understand her need and why I am so challenged by this relationship. We have spent many hours discussing our feelings and the impact this is having on our relationship, but primarily the effect on me.
    I grew up in a violent home with alcoholic parents. My sister and I didn’t experience physical violence from either parent, but my father was at any point a potential exposition. I attended Catholic grade and high schools were I did receive several serious beatings and witnessed beatings that resulted in concussions and in one case death.

    I react to violence in books, movies, or reality with the emotions of my seven year old inner child hiding in terror. Because this new relationship has stirred up painful emotions she has offered to end the relationship. I love her and can’t let her let go of a piece of herself that she has just found and needs. I attend ACoA 12 Step meetings weekly and psychotherapy weekly.

    In many ways this has helped me experience emotions like jealousy that I have NEVER experienced. It is bringing up experiences that were long buried, but I will grow from this experience. We have spent many hours in aftercare for me when she returns from a meet up.

    “Some women’s love of being loved is insatiable; and so, often, is their love of loving; and in the last case they may find that they can’t give it continuously to the chamber-officer appointed by the bishop’s license to receive it.”
    ― Thomas Hardy

    1. I am not the one to judge how you live and how you have your relationship. It is your choice and if you are hapoy with this i am not the one to say anytbing at all. Just for the record tbough, i totally disagree and though i do believe that sharing is caring my sexual moments are to be shared only with one person and same same goes for her. I am not sharing my girl and she is not sharing me. We both know we need to commit to each other and find the way to give to each other what we need on our own not some random people. I am realky old fashioned in relatiosnhips, i do not believe in polh families, i do not dream of 3somes, i do feel my body is only for one woman and so her body is for me. Main reason? It is because sexuality goes beyond the flesh and our hearts and souls belong to each other abd none may ever touch them. When i touch her body i dont touch her flesh,i touch her soul,her spirit,her brain,her heart her existance. I do not see sex as a carnal activity but i see it as something a lot higher and spiritual.during sex we souls entwined is a spiral dance that is totally private and hours. In any case i wish you alk the happiness and hope you will never regret your choices as i am afraid you will.

  8. I am new to bdsm and am so close to submitting fully to a new Dom. I have a dilemma concerning my love for him, particularly at this early stage in our relationship. My Dom is married and in a vanilla relationship with his wife. I am married and in a vanilla relationship with my husband. We both consent to playing and fulfilling our D/s desires outside of our marriages. I love my husband but in a different way than I am already growing to love my Dom. My Dom and I plan to play every now and then, and spend a lot of time talking to each other online via emails and chats when we are not face-to-face. I know what sub frenzy is and am able to control it. I just know that my Dom is so easy to love and that I suspect I am already falling in love with him. Is this in any way normal or to be expected? Should/could there be play without love? Thank you in advance to you and your readers for any insight on this you can provide.

    1. Thank you for sharing your situation with us. I am not quite sure how to answer to this though. For me, there is no way to play without love but unfortunately so many out there care only for the play forgetting what feelings might grow in their play partner. I also believe that we should never sacrifice love for lust. Lust might be something we all desire but love, true love is hard to be found and is priceless. I am not judgemental but I show little tolerance to men and women who are cheating to their lovers much more when they are married. I understand there might be reasons for this but then why not resolve the situation in a mature civlized way than staying in something that both are de-sieved. Yes it is easy to fall in love but hold back a little and make some decisions. Does your husband deserves this? Even if you don’t care, does his wife deserves the same? Are you certain it is love and not lust that drives your passion? Remember it is another thing to be “in love” and another to love. It is not up to me to provide you with any answer or suggestion, you are an adult woman totally responsible for your actions and this a moment of responsibility in your life. I wish you make the best possible decision and never regret it.

  9. Your blog got me wondering…Do you think that Dominants and submissives are born or made? That is to say, not so much a product of their environment as a genetic mutation (an AWESOME genetic mutation…if that is the case! LOL) I was never even aware of my submissive nature until a Dominant spotted it in me and pointed it out to me. It was as though all of the puzzle pieces of my life fell into place over the course of his teaching. I liken it to a homosexual realizing their sexuality and embracing it finally. I don’t know that I ever did TRULY love until I loved within a D/s relationship.

    1. It is my strong belied that we are what we are born. In some cases, one might be taught to act as something is not but eventually the true nature will lead the way.

  10. This is an excellent post. The all-encompassing love my Master and I share is the deepest, most profound love I’ve ever known *because of* the BDSM dynamic, not in spite of it. My submission and his dominance are expressions of our very core beings. If that’s suppressed in a vanilla relationship, it means a part of me/us is going unexpressed and unfulfilled.

  11. Sir, I would like to thank you for your thoughts. I share the same values. It is wonderful to have a man express this emotion. I so enjoy opening my email and finding one of your new articles.

    1. Hello southern
      I am happy to see that I am not the only one who believes in these values. I do not really understand the reasons men usually avoid to express such emotions, why any Dom/Master might consider them as weakness and even more in general why in our days talking about emotions sounds like if we are weirdos. We are humans and as such our life is surrounded by them no matter if they are of positive or negative nature.

      I love to write and knowing that some people like you find my articles so interesting it fills me with the will to keep going on. I only wish I had some more time to write more often. In any case, I so much thank you for your words, they are higly appreciated

      Master P

    1. I would dare say, more people in general could understand what love is. It is so sad to anticipate it just as a four letters word

    1. Thank you for your comment. I do share my thoughts but I do not see it as a lesson for anyone :). I do though appreciate that you receive my article as such.

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