Living With A Dormant Dominant


I met Master P online a few evenings ago when I was experiencing a horrible low time in my life. After reading for a few hours on His blog, I found a sense of comfort and courage and emailed Him some questions that have been bothering me for years. In fact Master P  has asked me to put this piece together that will definitely help me with my journey and I hope it will help you as Established Doms, Doms working on mastering the art and subs, alike.

My name is magee, I am 50 years old and I am overweight to top it all off. I am no beauty queen, in fact I am quite ordinary to look at and you would never give me a second glance if you passed me on the sidewalk. I am also a submissive living with the man of my dreams, who doesn’t have the dominant side I crave.

Being submissive, having the needs for that control in my life and not having it has been a true challenge. It is very difficult to be submissive to one’s self and get everything out of it that you need. How do you correct your wrongs, how do you know what is needed but most of all where do you go to get the approval, the gentle kindness or punishments (as needed/necessary) for all you have done or not done? This has been the problem I have faced for the past 12 years.

My husband is a wonderful man that loves me deeply. He is kind, funny, handsome and generous to a fault. Dominant? Not so much. He goes through life with a smile and a gentle nature that is not only wonderful and admirable but frustrating as well. Why? Because this great man I married doesn’t seem to see the submissive nature in me or know how to respond to it.

Most days I spend my time working on the house and all the things that go with being an at-home-wife. Our home is spotless. In fact, I would go so far as to say that you could eat off of my kitchen floor. To most people this is to be expected since I am home full time. But as a submissive living without direction from my husband, I go through the motions. Sometimes I reward myself with an hour of computer time or catching a couple episodes on Food Network if I feel that I have done exceptionally well. If I haven’t done everything or have only done it partially, I don’t get to enjoy those treats. Personally, I think I have trained myself pretty well. My husband is always happy with the house, his laundry and the meals I serve him. This makes me feel wonderful. I have pleased him and most times he says he couldn’t ask for more. But what about the times I displease him? The times I go over budget at the grocery, or the days I don’t get his shirts ironed? Those are the times I crave a good ass spanking or being punished in some other way. Not only do I want that… I need it desperately. I am a Libra so to me life should present itself in equal measure. You know, sun and rain, dark and light and punishment and reward. Without these equal measures all human beings live their lives off balance.
If you can picture in your mind a set of scales that are beautifully balanced, also picture emptying one side of it and watch the full side fall, as the empty side swings and jumps about. That has how it has been trying to be my own Dominant to my own submissive. My life just swings and bobs around seeking that equal balance.

Submissives crave the emotional and the physical contact of our Dominants and trying to assume both roles is just too much for any one to take on. You have to remember that yes, the D/s lifestyle is richly sexual but to be fair it also has to expand and evolve. Teach each other new things and share your thoughts. Even without the Domination and submission in the title, that still leaves the word “relationship”. My husband and I are working things out. I might kneel inside our bedroom and wait for him to come to bed. NOW he sees me as a submissive. He also sees me as a submissive when I scrub the floors with no panties on, or laying on the bed with my handcuffs on, holding my favorite toy in one hand and a bottle of lube in the other. To you seasoned Doms, this is “topping from the bottom” but to find the Dominant locked inside my husband, I am more than willing to break submissive rules/etiquette and then pay for it once he sees what I have been trying to do. (Thank you MasterP for the “Lead By Example” idea!!! OMG!!)!

Whether you are just starting out in a D/s relationship or have enjoyed one for many years the most important thing I can leave you with is this. As with any other kind of relationship, things change, sometimes things go left unidentified. It is up to both parties to discover these changes and work them out together for each other. Never be afraid to ask questions! The past 12 years could have been so much different/better if I has just pushed a little for the answers I was too submissive to get!

Much luck and love to all of you and thank you Master P for this opportunity to contribute to your blog.

13 thoughts on “Living With A Dormant Dominant

  1. It was about 7 yrs ago I started to discover my submissive self ,showing me parts of my self that were always there that some times caused me problems in previous relationships like my need to “belong” an needing aproval an praise an discipline an direction. My now ex partner was no master, I now now that he was nothing more than an abuser. Having been mistreated has made it really hard for me to find the master I soooo badly need. Feeling lost and very alone

    1. Shar would you like to share parts from your experience in order to help others know how to identify potential abusers? If so you can send me your story in my mail from the contact page and I will publish it.

      How do you imagine the Master you need badly? How he looks like and how is he as a person? What makes him to be so special?

      It is sad people to be alone. I know the feeling very well and I know the “hell” it can fire up inside you even if it was by my personal choice to be alone.

  2. This is a master piece for so many of us. I can totally relate to you in so many ways. I am in a marriage with an extremely submissive husband who has no desire to try and explore the dominate role. I have been living a lie for 15 years which caused me to suffer with sever depression. November 2012 I tore the black curtains of depression down and decide it was my time. I made the decision to seek a dominate man outside of my marriage. I know to most this is taboo but I have no regrets. I am currently in a very loving relationship serving, as a collard slave, to a firm but kind Master. He as helped me to become a stronger woman. I had to submit totally to gain the strength I needed to become a better woman.
    Thank you for sharing your story. It provided validation for me that I was not the only one.
    I would also like to give Master P a big thanks for all if his wonderful & delightful thoughts. Thank you Sir for your knowledge.

    1. Hello Southern

      You said something so important in your comment. ” He as helped me to become a stronger woman. I had to submit totally to gain the strength I needed to become a better woman.” That is why I believe, what a submissive does needs a lot of strength and every one of them deserve to be admired for doing so. I do not believe vanila women can be compared with any sub.

  3. Interesting and well-written. I find it more than coincidence that this was posted just days after a post I made on my own blog addressing a similar issue. It’s a much wider issue than most people realize. Please feel free to check out my post entitled ’50 Shades of Confusion’. Maybe it will help? (Not trying to pimp myself, just thought perhaps the two posts would be helpful read in tandem)

  4. I identify with this completely. My boyfriend of 6 years sounds the same way. I have expressed my needs to him and yet he is still hesitant. I cant wait to read more. Thank you for this amazing insight.

    1. Paris have you tried to identify what is it that holds him back? What is it that does not allow him to behave in the ways you wish him to?

  5. A very good point that it is not about rules or correctness but about who your are and what works for you that matters in this lifestyle.

    Thank you so much for sharing I really liked it.

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