I reply to all the emails I receive or comments but some times it takes me a while to do so as I do not have as much time as I wish I had to dedicate on this blog.
As I was reading your comment I was wondering how old are you, what your urges are and if you remember the first ever time you felt a “dark” desire. Of course I do not believe in the term dark yet I am using it Knowing that the rest of the world, or the most of it see it that way. Enough with my questions and time to give you some answers.
I will start from the bottom and the point where you say “I cried when I read A Master’s Creed (Is that all right for a Master?).” I guess you wonder if a Master may cry or not. Is there anyone who said that a Master is a person without feelings, without emotions? I believe not. Even more, if what we do is without feelings then we are only savages and I truly believe that even a sadist, a complete sadist at some point what He does is with feelings. After all, what we do serves deeper needs the we and our submissives have. Deeper needs that apparently are connected with our soul, spirit, brain, imagination and feeling centre. So yes, it is fine even for a Master to cry as that is a sign of His human nature. Some might claim it is a weakness, I can see that coming but I will argue that the only weakness is to deny our nature not to embrace, recognise and understand it.
That exactly should be your first step to become a Master/Dom. How will one be able to lead and understand others if that one has not first manage to get in touch with his own deeper nature? How will one be the leader if he does not know His own weaknesses and strengths and be in position to admit them? You might ask your sub to say she wants to be a slut or that her life has no meaning without serving you but how will you do that if you are not able to admit similar things from a Dom side? Something that many forget, we Dom because we have a sub, we need our sub, our sub at the end of the day is the one who defines who we are. We need them as much as they need us. We are Dominate as far as they submit by their will. That is the difference of modern BDSM and as some say modern “slavery” (I do not agree at all with that definition). In the old day one had just to force others to submit in comparison to our days where one will Dom because another willingly submits.
Here of course comes the question how the submissives chose to submit, what will drive them to submit to a Dom? There are many different explanations as many as the individuals who are part of this lifestyle. For example what I enjoy is a submissive who kneels before the power of the mind. I will say then, the second you have to define is the type of the submissive you seek and the reasons their submission will bring you joy. It is a very personal situation so I can not suggest anything other than again, learn better your own nature.
You ask me about readings or books that might help you. I will not provide you any as the best way to learn is to make your own research, find what actually applies to you as a person. In simple words, I do not believe that same ideas apply in the same way to all of us therefore we can not say what is correct and what is wrong. I will tell you though what I did. In the same period I was learning about me, I dedicated time to learn about what I love most, the female nature. I started by learning about their body, you see I never believed that is only their genitals we have to care about. The female body is a miracle to my eyes. As I say, and many consider it very romantic, the female body is an altar of life that we need to explore. Learning about their nature at some point I realised they anticipate the world in different ways we do because of the difference we have in the way our brains are functioning (For any of you who are not aware of it, male and female brains have huge differences and there many scientific articles out there to read and educate your self about the subject). From that point I am in a constant “research” of their way of feeling.
To give you another answer about readings again I will tell you my belief in general but that does not mean you have to believe the same. Knowledge is power and the key to knowledge is philosophy. As a person I believe in philosophy more than anything else. I believe that we are different from the animals as long as we can use our brains and develop them. Buddha uses the example of the three strings of the lute to illustrate the Middle Path. I am not a Buddhist, I am a Christian yet I do not degrade anything at all and I try to learn as much as I can about everyone. So, the example of the three strings is something that for me applies in BDSM as well.
“The Buddha once had a disciple by the name of Sona who practised meditation so intensely that he could not progress in his meditation. He began to think of abandoning his life as a monk. The Buddha, who understood his problem, said to him, “Sona, before you became a monk you were a musician”. Sona said that was true. So the Buddha said, “As a musician which string of the lute produces a pleasant and harmonious sound. The over-tight string?” “No,” said Sona, “The over-tight string produces an unpleasant sound and is moreover likely to break at any moment.” “The string that is too loose?” Again, “No, the string that is too loose does not produce a tuneful sound. The string that produces a tuneful sound is the string that is not too tight and not too loose.” So here the life of luxury is too loose, without discipline. The life of mortification is too tight, too tense, too likely to cause the breakdown of the mind and body just as the over-tight string is likely to break at any moment.”. Do you see how these words may apply in the BDSM lifestyle? It is the same reason why I believe we also need to share vanilla moments with our partner. We need it as humans to become silly from time to time if I can put it that way. In the same way I may provide you a lot more examples from the world of philosophy that actually formed my way of thinking regarding the lifestyle. Here follows three more examples from Nietzsche.
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
“When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.”
“Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.”
As I explained before, in anther post, to me BDSM have a huge philosophical background that we need to learn and identify it. It is not as simple as “I take a whip and give pain to my sub”. That is the savage way, they way of a crazy man, the way of the non human, the way of the hate. What we do is with love, with feelings, with reason and for a reason. I do not know if my answers are what you expected to find or if they are helping you at all but it is what I could provide you with as ideas where to start from.
P.S.1 You may also read this oher older post
P.S.2 Kamasutra is a very useful book if you see it in a deeper the way than just sexual positions