business-contract

I have received quite a few messages with questions regarding BDSM contracts and so I decided to write an article about them and how I see the whole issue. In my own humble opinion having a contract actually is like transforming a human relationship to a business partnership or so. BDSM is an alternative human relationship hence those inside this lifestyle should not expect anything different from what is commonly practiced in every relationship. On the other hand, in most countries as far as I know, such a contract will stand for nothing in a court of law therefore actually none of the parts is protected from anything. There is one more issue that arises from such a contract and comes in complete contrast to the core of the lifestyle. TRUST!!

The BDSM lifestyle is based on two basic pillars, trust and respect. What would lead one to seek a contract? Most possibly the lack of trust. That will arise another question and mainly towards the submissive side. If you don’t trust a Dom/Master, why would you choose to surrender your self to that person? How would you be comfortable enough to give the gift of submission to a person you do not trust therefore you do not respect as well and that because according to my way of thinking respect eventually will always lead to trust. It’s the only way to help trust grow stronger between two persons. How you enter into a relationship with one you do not trust and respect? Here is a huge difference between BDSM and Vanilla world. Though in Vanilla relationships we might notice examples where people get together lacking the trust or the respect (and that may happen for many different reasons) in our lifestyle that is not an option.  What about sex is a question I think I can already hear it coming from those reading this article.

First of all when I talk about BDSM I don’t talk about sex. As I said and explained in previous articles, sex is only part of the lifestyle as in every other lifestyle and just having some kinky sex does not make you live a BDSM life. For me BDSM is a way of life that we experience on a daily basis and we act according to that in everything we do. I find difficult to picture a Master show signs of submission in other aspects of his life even in his working environment. Sooner or later his nature will come out and will try to dominate even small parts if there is no option to do otherwise. But let me get back to the question regarding sex. A “quicky” is not part of my philosophy, it is not part of the expression of the higher levels of human nature in general. Be patient, find people who share same ideas with you, spend time with them and try to learn them. LEARN……. when you speak with one try to stay away from how impressive it might look, how sexy or anything else that might cloud your judgement. Try to see deeper in them and mostly, try to read what is hidden at the back side of their words.

I can not teach or tell you how you will evaluate others. How you will choose with whom you will get together and with whom you will have sex. I can only tell you that you have to train your self in judging people in the best possible way. How will you do that? It’s up to you. What I find important in my life is to know with whom I am dealing with even if I am in full knowledge that no matter how well I know one, it is impossible to know them 100%. BDSM lifestyle though demands complete honesty, dictates that we should be free to discuss with our partners everything in our head, the brightest and the darkest sides of our self and through that process decide what we will do further more.  Through and during such a process people can learn of each others desires, limits, must do and must not do, will develop a level of communication that later will help them not only sexually but in every aspect of the relationship. That is exactly that we should pride our self as BDSM individuals in comparison to the vanilla’s.

I never signed a  BDSM contract nor will ever do. If one asks me to do so in my way of thinking she is not trusting me, she is not respecting me and even worst, she is uncertain for herself and her choices. One like her is not for me, I might be more or less of what she seeks but in any case I do not care. I want the one who stands with me to trust me, to earn her trust and respect and I do not mind to wait until the moment I achieve both to move further. Patience is a virtue both for Dominants and submissives. In my life I seek love and in my opinion love will never come with a contract. So, for anyone who wishes to ask me about contracts, I hope this article will give a complete answer but of course, feel free to ask me more based on the above words.

Note: This article is expressing my own perspective regarding the BDSM contracts. Through that article I do not indicate, suggest or claim in any way at all that this is how you should act and think. If you wish a contract or not it is only a matter of personal choice and even if I disagree as stated in my article I understand and respect your reasons. 

2 thoughts on “BDSM Contracts. Do they have any use? Should we care about one or not?

  1. im am so interested into this lifestyle,ive been talking to someone that has experience,would love to find out more

    1. Hello liz and welcome to my blog.
      What is it that you find so interesting in the lifestyle and when you first realized that interest of yours?

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