Notice before reading: I do not intend to offend anyone, be judgemental or point fingers. I respect everyone within the lifestyle and how they practice it as long as they are within the SSC limits. I use at some point the words freak and weirdo. Don’t take me wrong, I do not identify those within the lifestyle as such. After all, how could I since I am within the BDSM community?
This article will try to explore and explain my own point of view regarding dressing up. Some people got the impression that if you wear a collar or leather pants you will become a BDSM person. I can not blame them. It is not their fault that so many places (clubs etc), pictures on the web or even articles promote what some marketing guys discovered as a prospect target group. I have to admit they are doing great job. Even the porn industry helps to that direction. Even worst, I notice more and more often, that my lifestyle is related to degrading conditions of the human nature. I really find both issues really offending, misleading and dangerous. You want to be a real BDSM lifestyler? They only you have to do is educate your self, learn about, discover the philosophy behind the carnal pleasures and most of all, BE YOUR SELF!!
I take as example my self and I want to believe it is not only me. Wether I am dressed smart, casual or in any way at all, it doesn’t change my heart, my way of thinking and what I believe in. I do not need leather pants to get to my self. My self is a Dominant male by nature and I can assure you it is really obvious. I believe those who care more to dress up in a certain way in order to claim their position in the lifestyle are mostly fetishist rather than BDSM personalities. Don’t take me wrong, there are moments I love dressing up and more precisely my partner be dressed up rather than me but i am not waiting her to put on a collar or any outfit to see her as a submissive. To my eyes she is a submissive every single moment no matter what she wears. It is the mentality that makes her submissive, her own understanding regarding her place in the world, her ways and values, it is how she anticipates our roles in life and what gives her the satisfaction of living a life in submission. Same goes for any Dominant.
I will take the example of someone from the porn industry as I believe it will be more easy for you to understand what am i talking about. Look at this picture and think if he wasn’t a well-known porn Master, would he be able to enter a BDSM club? (that was the best i could find online)
As you can notice, there is nothing weird or uncommon in the way he is dressed, at least not according to my own anticipation of the way one may get dressed. Casual or more smart, nothing really indicate that he is the so well-known Master Costello. At this point I have to admit that watching his movies some times i get a feeling that the way he does what he does is like making art. His technique is amazing. Back to my point, why some marketers decided to transform us to clowns, weirdos, freaks of the underground I do understand it but this is not who we are and what we are. They make it look like if we don’t have tattoos (that I personally do not like at all), piercings and many other “add-ons” then we are not to be within the BDSM. If we are not dressed in particular ways then we are not genuine lifestylers.
Actually, I am afraid that this particular trend, attracted people within the community not because they are really interested in the BDSM lifestyle but more because they had the need to be part of something. I do not want to offend anyone, one of the principles I believe in BDSM is that we are not to judge anyone, after all we all look in a strange way to some one else in this world, but I am trying to make a point here.
If one has the need to be part of the BDSM society, that one does not need to be transformed to something he or she is not. In fact, there is the need to join exactly as the person they are and then start developing every aspect of their personality on their own not by what marketing trends indicate but by what their soul and brain will make them be.
I know that i may sound strange to many, as I said, that is only my own point of view and personal belief and the reason I decided to talk about it, is because I am afraid of the lifestyle becoming a trend. Anything that became a trend, the same time became a ground for Marketing exploitation with results of twisting the core meaning of what ever that was in the beginning. The fifty shades of grey brought up to the light our lifestyle and made it a great hit to many but the same time, made it feel like just another sexual game. It missed the point that as any other lifestyle in the world, sex is just a small part of our daily adult life.
I deny to go to any BDSM party, I would prefer to find something more private to socialize with others within the community. I refuse to be part of what some marketing guys out there identify as a new market to make profit and twist it in the ways that will generate them even bigger profits. I refuse to be part of just another trend. My lifestyle is something I live with it for the past 16 years and is something I spent hours, days and years to learn about it, develop my self within it and finally crystallise my Dominating personality by shaping who Master P is today.
I do not really know how many really understand what am I talking about but for sure, what starts to be anticipated as BDSM in the world, I do not believe it represents what BDSM really is, what really is the philosophy of the lifestyle and yes, I love my partner, my gf as the vanilla’s will identify her, be dressed even with a gown the same time under her outfit she has her breasts bound, or written some “dirty” words or attached a butt plug or even just a small jewelry identifying her as a submissive and known only to her and Me. I believe we have some dignity we need to keep in public, as humans we are far more than a bunch of crazy insane weirdos who apply body modifications (extend or partial) and actually hurting something is essential to respect. I am a fetishist but I believe it is better keep it in private behind closed doors. After all, it makes it more spicy for Me and her.
Do not forget, balance is essential in nature and no matter what we do or how hard we try, at the end all of us has to submit to natures rules. Respect your nature as humans, do not accept to be degraded in front of those who don’t really understand what is going on and keep everything sane!