mythofbdsm

There is a great myth about BDSM and according to this myth our lifestyle is an abusive and weird lifestyle that is only about whips, chains and torture! For sure it may involve all these and even more but the core of it is about trust and respect. In many activities, trust has to overcome the fears and insecurities of the individual, something that has the capacity to make the scene feel incredibly intimate and erotic. Respect is an essential element to reinforce that trust. I believe that respect from the Dominant side and trust from the submissive side are the two main pillars within a BDSM relationship. Of course there will also be trust from the Dominant side and respect from the submissive side but we have never to forget that in order the submissive to be completely free to surrender to the Dominant, trust is the most important feeling. For the same reason, the Dominant has to be able to demonstrate respect to its submissive in order for her to build the trust.

Many people consider BDSM sick and perverted, dehumanizing, or worse. Usually most of them never had the chance to experience the lifestyle, never had the chance to speak with one from our lifestyle and a lot worst, they are not open to here any argument from our side. They have doomed it already, they even use religion (I will talk about religion in my book) as an argument. I would dare say, those who are most passionate to condemn BDSM are those who envy us of having the chance live within it, those who do not dare they have same desires as we do but they are afraid to follow what their heart say.

Real lifestylers, know very well it is a very responsible lifestyle, it is a very much loving, nurturing and intimate form of human relationship. It comes from the old-time and is not a twisted approach of humans founded in our days. I would dare say that is a lot more sick a casual sex night as people can have sex without any emotional connection when in BDSM that element is important as without it the abuse will come. At this point, for those who don’t know about the lifestyle, our community is clearly against any act of violence, force and abuse.

We are not afraid to use intimate communication, speak without taboos about our thoughts, our desires and that creates a special erotic bond. Sex, as I will explain in my book, is just a part of the lifestyle and it DOES NOT have to be kinky at all. If that was the case then every kinkster would have been a BDSMer and that would make most of the world members of our lifestyle. Many out of the lifestyle consider that BDSM is actually only S/M (sadomasochism) hence it is sick and crazy. In fact, in 1905, Freud coined the word “sadomasochism” calling its enjoyment neurotic and later on, in 1994 it was listed as a psychiatric disorder. I will argue that those who enjoy S/M have any kind of disorder claiming the same for those who enjoy anal sex. I would ask if a vanilla couple that during sex enjoy spanking and hair pulling or slapping is also with some kind of disorder.

But all available evidence shows that the vast majority of BDSM lifestylers are mentally healthy and typical in every respect except that they find vanilla relationships unfulfilling leading them to seek something more intense and intimate. Before condemning BDSM, before condemning us all to burn in hell, remember that not too long ago, oral sex and homosexuality were considered perverse. Around 20 percent of adults report some arousal from BDSM images or stories and I don’t really believe they are with some disorder at all.

BDSM requires those who practise it, be intimate. As we can find out by making a small research over google, relationship authorities define intimacy as clear, frank, self-revealing emotional communication. There is no reference to sex but many people equate “intimacy” and “sex.” To be intimate is to be sexual and visa versa in their way of thinking only it isn’t.  It’s quite possible to be sexual with a person you hardly know something we have experienced it in during adulthood not only once.

Most couples in vanilla world don’t discuss their lovemaking very much as they are afraid they will break a lot, if not all, of their stereotypes and taboos surround their relationships which diminishes intimacy. But BDSM absolutely requires ongoing, detailed discussion. It is essential to be open to your partner, show what you seek, what you need, what you crave in order he or she know exactly what they are doing during a scene or in your common life in general. Such discussions are as intimate, erotic, and relationship-enhancing as the scenes themselves. Trust and respect are  required in BDSM to achieve clear communication, self-acceptance, and acceptance of the other person.

7 thoughts on “BDSM is about TRUST and RESPECT. It is a lifestyle based on two major pillars. TRUST and RESPECT

  1. “Such discussions are as intimate, erotic, and relationship-enhancing as the scenes themselves. Trust and respect are required in BDSM to achieve clear communication, self-acceptance, and acceptance of the other person”
    Thank you. I agree. My Sir and I find this exchange of ideas and fantasies very erotic, and the trust bond increases between us each time we reveal to each other something that we find arousing.

    1. Thank you samya, yes, it is pitty that most people learn about the lifestyle through the porn industry or books such as the 50 shades and get the wrong impression

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