How to start training a new (to you) sub or slave. Thoughts and ideas to feed your brain.

So you found a new sub/slave and want to take her start training her into your way. There are many things to consider. First, what is her experience at being a slave or submissive and second, what is your experience at being a Master? Those are strong considerations when setting up training parameters. However, here are some basics. Most important, create your standard from the very beginning and stick to it.

I do not recommend trying to break you new girl emotionally. They have proven that unless you are a highly trained or well experienced trainer, it can work against you and in many cases be damaging to your slave. Do not forget she is a human as well hence she has feelings, desires, thoughts, fears, strengths, weaknesses and anything else that make any human being so difficult to know everything about. I do recommend setting your standards and holding her to them.

Consider how you wish her to present to you and what your protocols are concerning speech.  How she will addresses you? Is it going to be the same way in public and private or will be different when you socialize? Will she be restricted to the floor? How she should be dressed and how or why she should have to be naked at your presence (for non sexual reasons). Where will she sleep if it is not with you and is that something to use it as a punishment or as a reward? Will she be in some form of bondage for her visit if you don’t live together. (Collar, cuffs, ankle cuffs that sort of thing)

These things, whether her visit is short-term or permanent, may seem tedious but if she is looking for a strict Master and you are looking to train her, the best results come from first being clear about all of your expectations at least the basic ones.

Testing the submissive or slave regularly during the training process will help to measure the achievement of set goals within the scheduled training period. The dominant need not notify the submissive that some skill will be tested and should communicate the results to the submissive after the test. Rewards should be given for good performance and discipline for weak performance.

Slave training, or training a submissive online or in real-time, it may include written assignments. It is a worthy, well-used training way that not only helps both parties to get to know each other, it also helps the dominant to see where the submissive is on issues that are important, where he or she will need to focus when it comes to training and what issues are panic buttons for the submissive. Written assignments are also used successfully as punishment.

Towards knowing your sub or slave better a daily journal is a great way to achieve that. Remember, as a Dom/Master you are as effective as your knowledge about your sub/slave is. You need to know her and explore her and the journal is a great road map to achieve that knowledge. The journal is also not the place to dig for transgressions and then to use that as fodder for punishment. The journal is a collection of thoughts, emotions, feelings and events that should be discussed and that way help both parties in the training process. It makes the submissive more mindful to her or his feelings and emotions, and more aware of the effect it has on her or his life. It helps the submissive to overcome the barriers of complete openness that is crucial to a good D/s relationship. Use the journal to grow and learn from mistakes and to identify little habits that the submissive has that could impact the communication process later on.

The submissive needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires will show the dominant where the submissive is in terms of attitude towards service and will show the submissive’s leaning towards house chores, attending on the needs of the dominant or sexual service or play. The dominant’s response to these assignments will show the submissive whether they agree and whether they are in fact a good match.

When it is an online relationship, added assignments like what the submissive ate and what they did for that day against their list of requirements could help the dominant manage the submissive more appropriately. In this day and age, photos of almost anything can be taken and sent as proof of tasks that had been completed. It is important for the sub to understand she has to provide this to her Master as it is the only way to overcome the distance barrier of an online relationship. A Master is more effective when is patient enough to observe his sub in real life and the only way to achieve the same online is through pictures or video.  Observing your slave is essential, there are many things that body language can say that your sub won’t find it easy to say with her voice.

Written assignments have been used extensively in the past and can be used to control another person’s life very effectively.

25 thoughts on “How to start training a new (to you) sub or slave. Thoughts and ideas to feed your brain.

  1. Being a slave is about service and obedience to your Master. Your desires of how and where you would like to serve are irrelevant.
    Although a good Master will take your feelings into consideration, being a slave is about eradicating your ego so you focus on serving your Master .

  2. My heartfelt gratitude to you Masterp35 for your willingness to provide feedback!

    I’m quite literally a novice to this lifestyle, don’t get me wrong I’ve fantasized about becoming a slave since I was 11 but was only introduced to the lifestyle 3 years ago. Honestly, you can count the number of my sexual partners on one hand. Though I’m a novice my first Master, upon our first meeting believed me to be a pro at being a well disciplined slave. I’m quite confident that this is the life I’ve always yearned for.

    I should tell you my first Master was my only Master thus far, I’ve struggled something terrible and still feel I’m not being true to him should I move on. My question for you is that a sign that I’d be cheating a new potential Master? Also, I’ve a very strong desire to serve in an environment that I find pleasing. For example, I desire a very strict bordering on the desire of a cruel Master. I would like to be referred to as “it”, I’d prefer to be completely nude, on my knees, disallowed the use of furniture even so far as to prefer to sleep on the floor of Master’s bed should he allow such privilege, at least for a long time.

    But I am confused as to why I believe I can be a successful slave while desiring things for my pleasure, isn’t that a contradiction of terms?

    I would appreciate any advice?

    1. Hi Tricia,

      thank you for your comments. I will try to answer your question to the best of my capacity. I am saying this as I don’t see things eye to eye with you and I do believe more into a sub than a slave. In any case as mentioned many times on my blog, at the heart of the lifestyle is a human being. Under any status or title there is a person who is seeking to find satisfaction for its needs. It doesn’t matter if one is a slave, as submissive a Dom or a Master. These are simplified definitions to explain with a word a summary of what we seek and what we need. There are many other layers underneath the definitions that one needs to explore. A slave and/or a submissive do have their own desires and needs. They enter the lifestyle in the hope to find the one who will be able to satisfy them. Does this make any sense to you? BTW if you wish to talk this further with me feel free to contact me with an email via my contact page.

  3. I am new to this, but this sounds familiar a little bit… I been talk to this woman going on a decade she’s married and she want me to be her Dominant Daddy/Master… I was thinking of drawing a contract for the woman that wanna be a submissive… What do you think of the contract idea?!

  4. I have been a “switch” for 2yrs now. 33 f Sub, in my 9yr marraige and dom to my younger lovers. I wouldnt wouldnt rely on complete understanding from written assignments. I am very manipulative in mine.

  5. Hi I’m in a new relationship and we want to try a Dom/sub relationship. I’m not sure of how we should start it.

  6. Hi there I’ve always loved being told what to do to a point and I’ve been chatting to a male who claims he can train me I’m curious about it do you have any advice

    1. Hi Kerry,
      Thank you for you comment and trusting me with an advice. Please feel free to contact with an inbox should you fee you need to share more that better not in public. Enjoying being controlled and actually being under control are two different things. If you have experience from a previous relationship then you have a rough idea of your limits and what you mean when saying being controlled. On the other hand if you don’t have a real experience then you only have a fantasy without actually really knowing if that fits well to you. So the first thing you need to identify if he is one who really cares to drive and lead you to find your limits and not one who just seek to satisfy his need to control a sub. And you need to do it in such a way that it won’t reveal what you really try to understand about him.
      Then you need to understand if you have a common understanding in what control is, how far should this go and your expectations. I assume this is an online relationship therefore you do have the option to just block him out of your life should you find out he is not respecting your limits therefore try to keep your whereabouts secret for as long as you see fit.

  7. My master and I started our D/s relationship a couple years back and ended up taking a break from it until recently when we rekindled it and moved in together. We seem to be having problems with communicating the orders and being able to properly flow together, as his submissive I want nothing more than to fix this so that he can be happy and secure. Do you have any suggestions?

    1. Hi. I’m looking for some help and information please..bdsm is all new to me.. should I know what my Master looks like and know a bit of his background as i’ve stupidly given him a lot of information about me along with photos he’s requested.. I’m lost and confused

    2. Hi Catrina,
      Well it is important to know with who you are dealing with, what he understands about BDSM and what expectations he has from you. Should you have a match then you can move forward. You don’t have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with but on the other hand you don’t have to wait for ages to make up your mind. Should you wish to share more of your situation feel free to contact my with an email via the contact form.

  8. How long does virtual play usually take before a potential D/s meet face to face. I have been chatting with a potential Dom for over 24 days and have not met him. I am losing patience as I feel like there are ulterior motives, is he married, does he have a girlfriend? He says no, but my emotions and mind are all over the place. In such a short time he has gotten me to submit to him through chatting sessions, is this a normal relationship?

    Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

    1. There is no time limit. Depends when both are ready to meet in real life. It might take a couple of weeks, a couple of months or even longer. If there are any motives hidden then that is something to be revealed in time. My advice to a submissive is always one. Better to take longer to meet a person as that might give you the chance to know him/her deeper and see more clear who they really are.

  9. As a dom, I have found the most potent question you can possibly ask is ‘What can I do for you to help you serve me better?” That flat blows most blockages clean out of the water, and opens up lines of communication. It passes the baton back to the sub, if you will, and compels her / him to open up. Closed hearts serve because they must, open hearts serve because they will.

  10. I’m starting a new sub/dom relationship and at this point we haven’t met but she is very keen and has experience while I have not. I’ve got a lot to learn ant tips or suggested sites

    1. Master P,

      Do you have the link for that blog post you listed below? Also, what is a typical training schedule in terms of time and what to start with?

  11. As a master myself, I hold dominance over my own life. I’ve always believed that caring for your slave as a friend first and foremost is build trust..but my slaves I’ve had have been short term….yet at the same time they’ve all had issues with how they feel about themselves and part of this struggle remains there within I set up lessons to help them look at themselves as the human master sees them as..yet at the same time, discipline is sometimes necessary..I view this lifestlyle as an art form and then as a spiritual thing..

    1. The human aspect. As I say, and I like your comment and way of thinking, no matter what we are, no matter what scene we are into at the bottom end we are humans who are trying to serve our inner human desires and pleasure our heart and soul. We should never forget that specially those into pet play. WE ARE HUMANS

  12. I am so grateful to have found a blog that speaks to me as yours does, Master P. I was lucky enough to have been trained by an amazing Master once but I was an insolent slave and didn’t appreciate what I had. Now I see. I know I want to be owned again, timing is key. Your words are v. healing. Thank you, Sir.

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