Learn what a Master is if you wish to earn the title
Learn what a Master is if you wish to earn the title

Today I had a discussion with a friend of mine who is a sub. She had some questions that triggered a few thoughts about what means to lead, to be a Master, a Dom, to be the one who is responsible to set the rules and many many more that I will try to explore in this post.  Before I do so let me explain where I stand and how I see everything in my BDSM world. A Master and a sub are into a relationship. This lifestyle, the BDSM lifestyle, is our alternative way to form relationships and define the way we behave to one another. That by definition means obligations for both sides.

Some so-called Masters feel that by position the only one with obligations is the sub.They like to be like “..you have to do this or the other” all the time but what about them? What do they have to do? They seems to forget the title Master is earned not claimed and is followed by many obligations and responsibilities. One is to set the rules to his sub but who places rules to him? He does, that is the answer and it happens every single times he sets a rule to his sub or demands something. Let me give an example. A rule i have is that my sub has to explain me her reasoning regarding choices or action when asked. I like to explore the way her brain works and how she thinks. I take it for granted that many times a sub will have to act on her own, i would say i like her to be proactive and not fully depended on me (I find it practical and i will explain it in some other post). Once i set this rule it certainly means she should expect the same from me. If asked I should do the same for her. It is the best way to build trust, mutual understanding and confidence on who I am. Is there any sub out there who wouldn’t like it?

Some “Masters” though find this as a threat to their existence, to their position or even worst the claim it is not their place to explain themselves. I say they only have something to hide or they can’t explain sufficiently their actions. That is the threat they face and nothing more. They forget one of the fundamentals of any relationship and totally more important, more essential in BDSM. TRUST!!! How one demands his slave to Trust Him instead of giving the ground to earn it? Trust is earned not given.

Another phenomenon are those who i call players. Guys who entered in this lifestyle for the “fun” or reasons like to serve some personal needs, to find easy sex, to say they are doing something different, to join a new trend, to do anything at all but not be a real BDSM individual. All those guys forget that a sub is human and that means she is a combination of feelings, desires, dreams, and many more that make humans so complicate to understand. In a BDSM relationship as in any other both sides seek to find happiness. Our responsibility as Masters is to help them find the way to that feeling.

I argue those who divide us in givers and receivers. We all are both. As i give a spanking my sub gives, offers her body for my satisfaction trusting the way I will use it and by that she takes satisfaction as well. So as i give a spanking and receive satisfaction my sub the same time gives her body and receives satisfaction as well. I don’t know for any other Master and i speak only for my self but I am totally happy only when I know my sub is happy. The difference with a vanilla world relationship is that both Me and her acknowledge there are some limits to respect and the consequences that follow if we go over those limits. As I expect my sub to admit her mistakes I as a real Master and Male have to be prepared to admit the same and by her help improve my own skills. Do I sound strange? That is my world. I am a Master because my sub defines me and my girl is a sub because I define her. We are in total harmony and depended to each other.

Love is a big discussion in the lifestyle some times. There are those who believe love is wrong to be involved as it softens our choices and those as ME who believe love is the ingredient that strengthens the bond between Master and sub. Why do i punish my sub? why my sub offers her body to be used in the ways we have agreed? Why at some point she is willing to go beyond her limits (or at least try to do so) to meet my own? Why I set up rules? Why I constantly as a Master try to improve her as a sub? Why so many other whys? Love. What we both do is from love, it is the power that is hidden behind that word. Not the for letters word but the real love of one human to another. For sure love is something that makes its present from a certain point of the relationship and onwards, but from that point it strengthens and fires up all the answers to those whys.

Communication is the key, we both have to be unconditionally open to the one another. The foundations of our BDSM relationship is trust and to build that trust we need to accept who we are, admit it, embrace our own nature with the strengths and the weaknesses. Those who claim a Master has no weakness and a sub is full of them is so wrong. I dare you all to do what your sub does. Are you strong enough to do so? I don’t think so because it is just a matter of what our nature is. Some are natural to Dominate and others to submit. Even those who claim to be switches, at some point of their life they enjoy more one side over the other even if they don’t want to admit it. So the relationship is built upon trust and understanding that slowly grows by honesty. Secrets has no place in my BDSM world. I understand that people like to have secrets in order to build a certain profile, to make sure the keep in darkness those little or big things that might make their partner leave BUT in my BDSM world we HAVE TO accept our partner the way it is, love all those flaws and celebrate all their strengths.

To be happy you need to be free from all the secrets and lies that surround our vanilla world. We try to improve one another and to do so we need to know the weak points. We accept who we are and we need to accept who our partner is in comparison to vanilla world where males and females are based upon impression.

Something else I argue with is the 24/7 or part-time. There is no part-time in a lifestyle. We are what we are by nature so we can’t take a break out of it yet we need to understand a few simple things and mostly what BALANCE means. A Master is an individual who will laugh, who will have its silly moments and will do all those small ordinary daily things another male will do. The difference? KNOWS when to stop, what the limits are, when is proper to do or not to do something. I can not imagine a normal person who will be a hard ass all the time. Maybe in public, but in his private moments that shares them only with his sub will be free to do otherways. Some times it will be the opposite. We need balance in our life, affection and feeling of touch. One might also be sensitive, I don’t see anything wrong in this!! Some people like to describe a BDSM relationship something like an old-fashioned relationship from the 50’s or so. Maybe they are not COMPLETELY wrong and that description holds some truth in it. It is not right but certainly it is not completely wrong.

To be a kinkster it doesn’t mean you are a BDSMer but to be a BDSMer for sure makes you a kinkster. That’s something many getting confused with so i will try to explain it a bit. A feet lover or worshiper does not have to be a sub to satisfy its need without enjoying B&D or D&S or S&M. I believe it is clear that example. A BDSMer though will need to satisfy one of those three. The hunger that grows inside that person is beyond other kinks. It our nature’s call that drive us to enjoy B&D or D&S or S&M or all of them. Let me give you another example. Many couples enjoy during sex to spank their partner. Does that makes them BDSMers? No, it is just a sexual act when for a BDSMer spanking is either a “tool” of teaching, of punishment or pure satisfaction. In any case spanking takes a different position in our thoughts than it takes in their.  So why many kinksters are entering the BDSM world? The answer in my opinion is simple. Very simple. In their vanilla world that everyone is ready to point fingers and judge, they find it hard to admit to their partner a simple desire of them. They are just afraid of their own desires, of their own nature. That is why i belive a BDSM individual is a totally free individual. We have no taboos, no fear to admit our nature and who we are in comparison to the vanilla world.

In conclusion, if one wants to become a Master has to be well aware that means he is willing to take many responsibilities. He has to earn the title not claim it. He has to earn trust not claim it. He has to give respect to receive respect. He has to prove himself to be accepted as a Master. He has to Dom itself before doming others. He has to understand that in BDSM any relationship works absolutely both ways and not one way as many imagine. Givers and receivers have place only in the vanilla world, in my BDSM world we all are both givers and receivers. A Master is not a brutal male but i would dare say a very sofisticated one. A Master is RESPONSIBLE of the wellfare of his sun

Rember, what your sub offers is a GIFT same as it is what you offer to them

Master's Creed

One thought on “We lead by example not by a superficial grace!!A BDSM guide to any Master/Dom out there

  1. Reblogged this on subgetsowned and commented:
    Here’s a really good post from another master whose blog I follow.

    I especially liked this line: Those who claim a Master has no weakness and a sub is full of them is so wrong. I dare you all to do what your sub does. Are you strong enough to do so?

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