You want to be a BDSM Master? True Mastery – Makings of a Good Master

true mastery

What does any slave seek? Someone who is both Powerful and Compassionate in the balance right for their personal need. That balance varies from individual to individual. And yes, there are many other more personal factors also. But in essence, that is what a slave needs. Someone powerful enough to control them to the core of their soul, and someone compassionate enough to apply that control with discretion.

Someone who is extremely trustworthy & gentle in their absolute firmness makes an excellent Master or Mistress. Someone who is there to guide through control, but who would never abuse via domination. Someone who accepts the slave’s limits (including a safe word, or gesture if gagged), yet brings his slave right to the edge of their capacities.

Loving D/s is never about the Master taking control, it is about the slave constantly yielding control to her Master. An effective Master knows his slave well enough to always insist with gentleness, never asking for more than she will give. A slave does not say “no” to her loving Master because she never needs to — not due to fear of him.

A slave should feel enriched by her Master’s loving attention; her focus should not ever need be on pain which he has caused, or the Master has done wrong upon her and upon himself.Control does not mean abuse, control does not require pain — it requires a slave’s respect and dedication to her Master. A good Master is deeply respected and trusted absolutely because of the unconditional love and acceptance he gives to her. A Master does not abuse a slave or disrespect a slave’s desires, rather he guides them to fulfillment by his will.

A good Master knows what is safe and what is not safe and would never dream of doing anything that would actually harm either himself or his slave. The Master must trust that the slave has carefully considered and established and communicated her limits, and the slave trust that the Master will abide those limits and her use of a safe-word or safe-gesture. It’s only within those bounds that a good Master has the power of deciding how to use his whim.

But everything within the bounds they agree upon (primarily set by his slave experiences and fears) is then in the realm of the Master’s control. He will both manage all his own actions and guide his slave’s actions to their mutual satisfaction. This means he must be very observant, caring, self-aware, gentle, loving, and have compatible interests with his slave. A Master dominates through pleasure, by knowing the sub and using her own pleasures against her.

Masters can create and steer a scenario that makes a slave feel like she didn’t create the place she’s in, yet is exactly where she most deeply desires to be. I recently read a quote online that said, “A Master never makes his slave do anything, he makes her want to do everything,” and that is what it’s all about.

The Master creates a large buildup of interest and release of tension by sending her mind into a condition known to many as ”subspace.” Subspace is an altered focus, a narrowed reality; it is a feeling of ecstasy for the slave. It provides a firm center (or focus) that evolves when the Master guides all the slave’s actions, allowing the slave to let go of all the extraneous distractions and just “BE” for a while. It is total ectstasy.

D/s is very individualized. Many outsiders only see the most extreme activities in their interpretation as pain-oriented SM, but D/s can be much softer too. It all depends on the individuals and their interests; that’s why the choice of a Master is so important.

The slave is choosing her future — it is very important to wisely choose who she gives herself to, not just because someone expresses interest in their skill. Always explore compatability on the larger scope of life and for safety’s sake, check references if possible! It takes many months to find the One with whom a slave has such complete trust for her safety and respect to yield the control deeply enough to share a real-life interaction.

If you meet someone online and feel the need to meet also in real life,the face-to-face meeting should not be rushed. The timing of coming together where touch is real and control is total is also not something which a Master that truly cares about a slave’s well-being would ever order to progress on a certain time-line. This is one decision that needs come from the slave’s trust in her Master’s providing a safe interaction. Until the slave feels fully safe and ready and has communicated her desire for it, it simply shouldn’t be discussed. No implied pressure, no explicit orders, nothing, period. A true Master would NEVER order an online slave to come to him real-time (in person); it is dangerously inappropriate to do such.

29 comments on “You want to be a BDSM Master? True Mastery – Makings of a Good Master

  1. I believe love can form in Master/slave, Dom/sub, or whatever you want to call yourself. I have strong feelings for my Master, and told him so tonight. He told me I am his pet, but not just his pet, that I am more. This touched my heart and made me once again realize that I chose the right Master. There is nothing I would not do for him. I trust him with my life. Neither of us have used love specifically, but we know each other well, and love is better when it is a feeling, and not just a word that is thrown around far to easily, This is one of the few sites I have found that portrait the lifestyle for what I have found it to be, and I wish everyone read it.

    • As I said to another post, there is no school for submissives and no school for Dominants. Either it is in you nature or not. If it is in your nature then you need your effort, work and lot of reading to become who you wish to be.

  2. masterp35,
    I am becoming a more educated master, the more I read, the more I google. and strive to be the best master I can be. obviously, in order to be better than what I am, I need to talk to more experienced masters, just like anything else in life. so here I sit, typing, asking. perhaps you have some literature you can suggest, or would like to pm me? I am a member of F.L. and im positive you are too cause I swore I seen you. anyway, thanx in advance and look forward to hearing from you.

    • Hi there. Thnx for your comment. Yes I am on F.L. though I hate the site and not often around there. I have no suggestions. My way to educate my self was out of any BDSM literature. I chose the way of educating my self in philosophy and figure out how to bring all these I learned in the lifestyle. Feel free to mail me though if you have any questions

      Cheers

  3. your site is probably the best and most informative i have found for myself, who with a freind is about to delve into the master in me,,,,,,any tips or place of interest i should go would be greatly appreciated. thank you for your wonderful site. Cal.

    • Hello. I’m Drakaina. I’ve known my owner for 8 years and have been active with him for 14 months. I love this Man. And He says he cares about me and has feelings for me. Is it possible to have a relationship with your Owner? I know what we have now is a form of relationship but I mean something more… and something else. Is it normal for my mood to be effected by my Owners attention and affection? The longer I go without seeing Him or Him touching me the more I feel lonely and sad and like He doesn’t want me. But as soon as I see Him again and feel Him I’m ok and don’t feel like that anymore …

    • Hello drakaina.

      Interesting name I must say. Everything you describe in my opinion is totally normal. Don’t forget, BDSM is a lifestyle within we form romantic and/or sexual relationships. Such relationships it is normal to lead in feelings such as yours same as in any other lifestyle happens between humans. After all, it is just human nature and nothing else. In another article I explain why we should not be close minded when it comes to tags. Owner, Master, Dom, slave, sub, pet etc are all there just to describe a generic context over which we are building and forming our relationships but, or should i say BUT they mean nothing if we don’t follow our heart our feelings and our nature.
      Why are we into BDSM? What is it that attracts us? We can always be kinky without be in the lifestyle. Soft bondage or harder activities are also happening within a vanilla world. We are into BDSM because (among other things) that is what helps our feelings to be expressed, that is how we like to communicate and this is our own personal code of conduct.
      Have you had the chance to say how you feel to your Master/Owner? Is there any chance that he feels the same? If not be brave and do so.

      With the hope I helped
      Master P

    • Thank you. Its Greek for dragoness.
      I haven’t told him. I’m scared ill disappoint Him. I don’t want Him to think I’m being selfish by asking for more. And you have helped :-) thank you

    • Don’t be. It is not the Master who deserve a slave only but also the slave who deserve a Master. The proper match in any type of relationship and lifestyle is not only the one sexually compatible. The person we give our love as a gift should be capable enough to understand it and feel it.

  4. If only some idiot didn’t write a book about certain shades of Grey, LOL. It’s marred the whole scene in many areas I have been with guys declaring they are now Master because they wish to have 24/7 c*ck worship and think that is the way to do it – sadly there are plenty of young (sadly and older) women who are desperate enough for a Master they will go into these relationships unaware this is as good as it gets.
    I just wanted to say “Kudos” Sir for having a site that shows others what being a real Master is about, and for that matter sub/slaves and the relationship within. I wish more people would be willing to learn before they lept into the lifestyle head first – I’ve tried to give information to young, ignorant Masters who think they are due the title before the respect, and not one of them read this info which consisted of a couple of URL’s from both sides of the fence (your URL being one of them). Some people you just can’t help.
    Again, wonderful site, Sir. Keep up the wonderful work so that others may eventually listen up and learn.

    • Thank you for your comments and the kind words. I really appreciate this. Sadly enough, you can not help if your help is not wanted. Same goes for teaching those who are in need of learning but are ignorant enough even to understand what they need. You mention how the fifty shades of lies did to the scene and how it turned up to be about cock worshipping. You know I have a few cases of real Masters who got involved with such girls and tried to teach them what is all about. Tue outcome was that girls told them they are not real Masters. I am only afraid of what will happen when the shades become a movie. Lord help us.

    • Is it your question if I am real? Yes, Master P is real and is the one who talks through this blog. That is also the main reason you see this blog updating really slow as it is a one man behind it and some times, or many times the off-line life is really demanding and my first priority.

  5. a slave knowing that a true Master as said here can be to all Master to understand even though I am a slave I do have feelings to and some times dont understand what my Master wants from me!!

  6. Pingback: The “Coming Out” of BDSM | The Kinky Courtesan

    • I agree with you but I would add that it is also really dangerous. There are incidents already, happen in different places, where people thought it is just a game and when they “played” the outcome wasn’t what they expected to be. That publicity, it may also hurt the community

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