How to start training a new (to you) sub or slave. Thoughts and ideas to feed your brain.

Know your self before you open the door to your BDSM world

Know your self before you open the door to your BDSM world

So you found a new sub/slave and want to take her start training her into your way. There are many things to consider. First, what is her experience at being a slave or submissive and second, what is your experience at being a Master? Those are strong considerations when setting up training parameters. However, here are some basics. Most important, create your standard from the very beginning and stick to it.

I do not recommend trying to break you new girl emotionally. They have proven that unless you are a highly trained or well experienced trainer, it can work against you and in many cases be damaging to your slave. Do not forget she is a human as well hence she has feelings, desires, thoughts, fears, strengths, weaknesses and anything else that make any human being so difficult to know everything about. I do recommend setting your standards and holding her to them.

Consider how you wish her to present to you and what your protocols are concerning speech.  How she will addresses you? Is it going to be the same way in public and private or will be different when you socialize? Will she be restricted to the floor? How she should be dressed and how or why she should have to be naked at your presence (for non sexual reasons). Where will she sleep if it is not with you and is that something to use it as a punishment or as a reward? Will she be in some form of bondage for her visit if you don’t live together. (Collar, cuffs, ankle cuffs that sort of thing)

These things, whether her visit is short-term or permanent, may seem tedious but if she is looking for a strict Master and you are looking to train her, the best results come from first being clear about all of your expectations at least the basic ones.

Testing the submissive or slave regularly during the training process will help to measure the achievement of set goals within the scheduled training period. The dominant need not notify the submissive that some skill will be tested and should communicate the results to the submissive after the test. Rewards should be given for good performance and discipline for weak performance.

Slave training, or training a submissive online or in real-time, it may include written assignments. It is a worthy, well-used training way that not only helps both parties to get to know each other, it also helps the dominant to see where the submissive is on issues that are important, where he or she will need to focus when it comes to training and what issues are panic buttons for the submissive. Written assignments are also used successfully as punishment.

Towards knowing your sub or slave better a daily journal is a great way to achieve that. Remember, as a Dom/Master you are as effective as your knowledge about your sub/slave is. You need to know her and explore her and the journal is a great road map to achieve that knowledge. The journal is also not the place to dig for transgressions and then to use that as fodder for punishment. The journal is a collection of thoughts, emotions, feelings and events that should be discussed and that way help both parties in the training process. It makes the submissive more mindful to her or his feelings and emotions, and more aware of the effect it has on her or his life. It helps the submissive to overcome the barriers of complete openness that is crucial to a good D/s relationship. Use the journal to grow and learn from mistakes and to identify little habits that the submissive has that could impact the communication process later on.

The submissive needs, wants, strengths, weaknesses and desires will show the dominant where the submissive is in terms of attitude towards service and will show the submissive’s leaning towards house chores, attending on the needs of the dominant or sexual service or play. The dominant’s response to these assignments will show the submissive whether they agree and whether they are in fact a good match.

When it is an online relationship, added assignments like what the submissive ate and what they did for that day against their list of requirements could help the dominant manage the submissive more appropriately. In this day and age, photos of almost anything can be taken and sent as proof of tasks that had been completed. It is important for the sub to understand she has to provide this to her Master as it is the only way to overcome the distance barrier of an online relationship. A Master is more effective when is patient enough to observe his sub in real life and the only way to achieve the same online is through pictures or video.  Observing your slave is essential, there are many things that body language can say that your sub won’t find it easy to say with her voice.

Written assignments have been used extensively in the past and can be used to control another person’s life very effectively.

10 comments on “How to start training a new (to you) sub or slave. Thoughts and ideas to feed your brain.

  1. How long does virtual play usually take before a potential D/s meet face to face. I have been chatting with a potential Dom for over 24 days and have not met him. I am losing patience as I feel like there are ulterior motives, is he married, does he have a girlfriend? He says no, but my emotions and mind are all over the place. In such a short time he has gotten me to submit to him through chatting sessions, is this a normal relationship?

    Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

    • There is no time limit. Depends when both are ready to meet in real life. It might take a couple of weeks, a couple of months or even longer. If there are any motives hidden then that is something to be revealed in time. My advice to a submissive is always one. Better to take longer to meet a person as that might give you the chance to know him/her deeper and see more clear who they really are.

  2. As a dom, I have found the most potent question you can possibly ask is ‘What can I do for you to help you serve me better?” That flat blows most blockages clean out of the water, and opens up lines of communication. It passes the baton back to the sub, if you will, and compels her / him to open up. Closed hearts serve because they must, open hearts serve because they will.

  3. I’m starting a new sub/dom relationship and at this point we haven’t met but she is very keen and has experience while I have not. I’ve got a lot to learn ant tips or suggested sites

  4. As a master myself, I hold dominance over my own life. I’ve always believed that caring for your slave as a friend first and foremost is key..it build trust..but my slaves I’ve had have been short term….yet at the same time they’ve all had issues with how they feel about themselves and part of this struggle remains there within them..so I set up lessons to help them look at themselves as the human master sees them as..yet at the same time, discipline is sometimes necessary..I view this lifestlyle as an art form and then as a spiritual thing..

    • The human aspect. As I say, and I like your comment and way of thinking, no matter what we are, no matter what scene we are into at the bottom end we are humans who are trying to serve our inner human desires and pleasure our heart and soul. We should never forget that specially those into pet play. WE ARE HUMANS

  5. I am so grateful to have found a blog that speaks to me as yours does, Master P. I was lucky enough to have been trained by an amazing Master once but I was an insolent slave and didn’t appreciate what I had. Now I see. I know I want to be owned again, timing is key. Your words are v. healing. Thank you, Sir.

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